This is the weakest reason for resigning I've ever received;
"I have to quit because I got engaged last night and I need to sort things out".
Grow some balls man - if you hate working here, just fucking admit it and quit, don't make up some ridiculous reason for wanting to walk.
Meh - can you tell I'm just loving being back in a management role?
Damn you Zeke... Damn you to hell!
Showing posts with label Straight Men Do the Stupidest Things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Straight Men Do the Stupidest Things. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Gentlemen, please cross your legs in advance...
From The Brisbane Times, this story makes my eyes water;
"A man whose penis met an ill fate with a grinder in Brisbane's north this afternoon has been rushed to hospital.
It is understood the 23-year-old was working in Northgate when he was injured just after 2pm.
A Department of Emergency Services spokeswoman could not identify the type of grinder that had injured the man or detail how he came in contact with the device.
Although the extent of his injuries is not known, paramedics who treated the man at the scene were able to stem the bleeding."
How the hell does that happen? Was he grinding with a massive erection? Was he grinding in the nude? Did he just happen to slip and ended up with an operational angle grinder shredding his pants and his cock? Do you reckon he and a mate were daring each other to see how close they could get to their groin without actually cutting themselves?
I want answers people...
"A man whose penis met an ill fate with a grinder in Brisbane's north this afternoon has been rushed to hospital.
It is understood the 23-year-old was working in Northgate when he was injured just after 2pm.
A Department of Emergency Services spokeswoman could not identify the type of grinder that had injured the man or detail how he came in contact with the device.
Although the extent of his injuries is not known, paramedics who treated the man at the scene were able to stem the bleeding."
How the hell does that happen? Was he grinding with a massive erection? Was he grinding in the nude? Did he just happen to slip and ended up with an operational angle grinder shredding his pants and his cock? Do you reckon he and a mate were daring each other to see how close they could get to their groin without actually cutting themselves?
I want answers people...
Monday, December 1, 2008
Love me two times...
It's the first of December people and that means two things;
Have a great day....
- It's no longer Movember, so shave off those hideous things you think look like groovy porn-staches, but in reality look like nothing more than over trimmed pubic hair that my grade 11 Biology teacher used to sport. I will point and laugh at any man still sporting a craptacular 'tache from this point forward. You have been warned
- It's world AIDS day - so please buy a ribbon and support AIDS research.
Have a great day....Saturday, October 25, 2008
Jerry Lewis is a fucking idiot...
News from SameSame this morning;
"At a press conference in Sydney today 83 year old comedian Jerry Lewis decided to let fly with the word ‘fag’. And what’s even more shocking, a major Australian news outlet didn’t even feel the need to edit the word out before televising the interview.
While speaking with a journalist from Channel Ten News, Lewis was asked “What do you think of cricket?” His response was, “Oh cricket is a fag’s game!” Lewis then proceeded to flounce about, using camp, effeminate gestures, pretending to hold a bat with a limp wrist, squealing in a high pitched voice “Ah! The ball is coming towards me!”"
And stupid fucking Channel Ten played the portion completely unedited.
Fuck you Jerry Lewis for trying to use gay for comedy. Fuck you Channel Ten for letting word air uncensored.
Time to be euthanised Mr Lewis... you're obviously on the last stages of the deadly "head up anus" syndrome.
Monday, October 6, 2008
They should play in the buff...
It's well known that I have an aversion to sport. Don't play it, don't watch it, don't care for it at all. So I am glad to see the back end of the NRL for another season - especially this season.
One of the things that shits me the most is the TV coverage. Chanel Nine has had the NRL for ever, but the crap they go on with is insufferable. The footy show is 90 minutes of pure pain. I'd prefer to have another root canal without anesthetic than watch that bull shit. Men in dresses was funny when Monty Python did it about 30 years ago, but now it just looks homophobic and sad. Get a new joke morons.
Paul Vautin is a cock head of monumental proportions. Have you noticed that when he thinks he's said or done something clever he has a stupid little smirk on his face and does a little head shake. Do you have early stages Parkinson's disease fuck wit? Well, stop it.
And I refuse to refer to him by his nick name - you are 50 years old man. Stop going by the name given to you because you were a fat little cunt at school.
So with this cock head and the rest of the cunts on the Footy Show also heading up the commentary for the games with the addition of Ray Warren, I have to refrain from flinging poo at the TV. The biased commentary, the boring analogies about shit no one cares about, the continual questioning and bagging out of the refereee's calls. THEY JUST MAKE ME SO ANGRY.
And how many "scandals" were there this year? Greg Bird got arrested outside the Uber in Brisbane (BTW - the best cocktails on the planet), Sione Faumuina chucked a glass at mirror in the same bar not too many months later. Then there was the decided lack of action taken against the Bronco's and all their alleged piss head shenanigans the week before they got knocked out of the finals.
Seriously, how did the three guys in the centre of this get on the field the following weekend? Oh that's right, the club was more concerned about staying in the series then actually disiplining a trio of drunk blokes for dangerous and anti-social behaviour that bought the reputation of their club, their sport and their town into disrupte. If they were out of the finals those tools would have been fired on the spot.
Then there's the grand final: a 40 - nil score line is a freaking joke. Seriously, I reckon my Grandmother's Bowls team could score better than that in a first grade grand final. That's why I took a dog for a walk during the whole mess.
But I do have a solution for next year. They need to clone the hotness is that is Mr Cooper Cronk, and fill every team with his hot hot clones. And play in the nude.
Nudity - that's my answer to everything lately.
One of the things that shits me the most is the TV coverage. Chanel Nine has had the NRL for ever, but the crap they go on with is insufferable. The footy show is 90 minutes of pure pain. I'd prefer to have another root canal without anesthetic than watch that bull shit. Men in dresses was funny when Monty Python did it about 30 years ago, but now it just looks homophobic and sad. Get a new joke morons.
Paul Vautin is a cock head of monumental proportions. Have you noticed that when he thinks he's said or done something clever he has a stupid little smirk on his face and does a little head shake. Do you have early stages Parkinson's disease fuck wit? Well, stop it.
And I refuse to refer to him by his nick name - you are 50 years old man. Stop going by the name given to you because you were a fat little cunt at school.
So with this cock head and the rest of the cunts on the Footy Show also heading up the commentary for the games with the addition of Ray Warren, I have to refrain from flinging poo at the TV. The biased commentary, the boring analogies about shit no one cares about, the continual questioning and bagging out of the refereee's calls. THEY JUST MAKE ME SO ANGRY.
And how many "scandals" were there this year? Greg Bird got arrested outside the Uber in Brisbane (BTW - the best cocktails on the planet), Sione Faumuina chucked a glass at mirror in the same bar not too many months later. Then there was the decided lack of action taken against the Bronco's and all their alleged piss head shenanigans the week before they got knocked out of the finals.
Seriously, how did the three guys in the centre of this get on the field the following weekend? Oh that's right, the club was more concerned about staying in the series then actually disiplining a trio of drunk blokes for dangerous and anti-social behaviour that bought the reputation of their club, their sport and their town into disrupte. If they were out of the finals those tools would have been fired on the spot.
Then there's the grand final: a 40 - nil score line is a freaking joke. Seriously, I reckon my Grandmother's Bowls team could score better than that in a first grade grand final. That's why I took a dog for a walk during the whole mess.
But I do have a solution for next year. They need to clone the hotness is that is Mr Cooper Cronk, and fill every team with his hot hot clones. And play in the nude.
Nudity - that's my answer to everything lately.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I'm offended...
I like blogs. I like reading my favourites, searching for new ones, and leaving my opinion on the comments sections. Sure, it generally contains a link back to this blog, but hey, I need to publicise my writing.
Some blog owners like to moderate the comments before they get published. Fair enough really. There are some real retarded people out there who have very fucked up opinions especially when it comes to the gays.
But I was really pissed off to find one of my comments wasn't published recently. Sam De Brito has a blog on brisbanetimes.com.au (I'm not linking it as they can get fucked) - and he pondered the question about condoms and why people seem to be not using them as much.
I simply responded with a "As a gay man, it scares me that I have often been approached to have sex unprotected. Very scared." Nothing provocative, offensive or out there with that I thought.
But nothing. Nada. Zip. No comment published for Benji.
Is Sam a little bit homophobic and didn't want the gays to infiltrate his readership? Is Sam worried about his own heterosexuality and maybe he does like the doodle (He does have a pretty boy look about him)? Or was simply that Sam was blown away by my own writings and was instantly insanely jealous of my blog, and just refused to publish any more of my genius?
Who knows... I now refuse to read his blog ever again.
But I was really pissed off to find one of my comments wasn't published recently. Sam De Brito has a blog on brisbanetimes.com.au (I'm not linking it as they can get fucked) - and he pondered the question about condoms and why people seem to be not using them as much.
I simply responded with a "As a gay man, it scares me that I have often been approached to have sex unprotected. Very scared." Nothing provocative, offensive or out there with that I thought.
But nothing. Nada. Zip. No comment published for Benji.
Is Sam a little bit homophobic and didn't want the gays to infiltrate his readership? Is Sam worried about his own heterosexuality and maybe he does like the doodle (He does have a pretty boy look about him)? Or was simply that Sam was blown away by my own writings and was instantly insanely jealous of my blog, and just refused to publish any more of my genius?
Who knows... I now refuse to read his blog ever again.
How to look more buff?
Some men do the weirdest things to their body.
In New York, where all the fit, beautiful people hang out, men are resorting to a extreme, and slightly bizarre measures to pick up in clubs. They are slathering their torsos with Preparation H in an attempt to seem more ripped and thus land the loveliest ladies.
When asked describe the practice one guy said "The way you use it
is to take your shirt off and rub it all over yourself before you go to the club. If you want to get [lucky], you have to know how to dance, and if you want girls to dance with you, you have to look ripped."
Preparation H is a haemorrhoid cream that works by constricting the blood vessels on the area to which its applied - reducing swelling and water retention. It's apparently a great relief when applied to a sore anus (not that I'd know what that feels like), and some movie stars claim its great for bags under the eyes.
Competitive body builders have used it for many years. It can provide an instant reduction in swelling and make certain muscle groups more distinct - especially the abs.
This strange little ritual seems to be only perpetrated by straight men. Fucking weirdos.
In New York, where all the fit, beautiful people hang out, men are resorting to a extreme, and slightly bizarre measures to pick up in clubs. They are slathering their torsos with Preparation H in an attempt to seem more ripped and thus land the loveliest ladies.
When asked describe the practice one guy said "The way you use it
is to take your shirt off and rub it all over yourself before you go to the club. If you want to get [lucky], you have to know how to dance, and if you want girls to dance with you, you have to look ripped."Preparation H is a haemorrhoid cream that works by constricting the blood vessels on the area to which its applied - reducing swelling and water retention. It's apparently a great relief when applied to a sore anus (not that I'd know what that feels like), and some movie stars claim its great for bags under the eyes.
Competitive body builders have used it for many years. It can provide an instant reduction in swelling and make certain muscle groups more distinct - especially the abs.
This strange little ritual seems to be only perpetrated by straight men. Fucking weirdos.
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