Monday, January 14, 2013

First impressions

I went out for a friend's birthday dinner on Saturday night, and got seated across from the only other poofter at the table.

Of course.

And I instantly disliked him.

Of course.

A 19 year-old, retail queen, super skin tight jeans, super camp. Everything I hate about gay men was wrapped up in this twinky little package.

All the women at the table loved him. He was just so fabulously entertaining - apparently. I was doing my best to flirt with the waiter while ignoring the girly talk opposite me.

As the evening wore on, and the wine flowed into me, I was barely able to contain my disdain for this man-boy. He still lives at home, he works two shifts a week at Tarocash at the DFO... seriously, what is attractive about you?

I disliked this man so much I did the only reasonable thing - I bought him home and let him pleasure me. Anally. Several times.

It appears him redeeming factor is his massive dick.

Moral of the story - twinks sometimes have big doodles? Or maybe first impressions don't always count. Or maybe anal sex is fun.

Yeah. The last one.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Doppelganger Alert

 A friend of a friend posted this picture to facebook of my friend's boyfriend waiting to get to coffee;

And fuck me - that coffee guy could easily be my double. He's got the hair and the eyebrows, but the beard is fuller and bushier.

But - he does have the type of arms and body I want on myself - so I am going to use the gentleman as my aspirational pic for my new "healthy living regime".

Get fit, get healthy, get happy - I'm gonna make it happen.

Apparently it was taken in a coffee shop in Ashgrove - I might have to go there and track this guy down to see what he looks like from the front.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

No returns

Oh... a new post!

Anyway, I have started seeing a new gentleman. Well, not so new gentleman, as we were dating for about three months almost five years ago.

I wasn't yet out at the time. We met in a sex on premises venue, and the sex there was awesome so we exchanged numbers and started dating. He was 16 years older than me, with a shaved head and absolutely rocking body - perfectly formed six pack.

He was actually the first man I ever slept with - that is spent the night instead of just going to sex clubs for action and going home. He was also the first man I had a dinner date with, the first man to hold my hand in public, the first man to kiss me on a beach in the moonlight.

And predictably, he was the first man to absolutely crush my heart. He never stopped going to the sex clubs - this was never hidden from me, but it became obvious that I wasn't his first priority. He left me waiting many nights at home alone while he would go to a sauna and play around.

The absolute kicker came the night of my 30th birthday when he arrived at my door at 3am instead of 11pm as arranged. On my fucking birthday? I'd had enough.

Skip forward five years - and have been fairly down in recent months. Feeling crap about my film studies failing, feeling crap about being back in a boring office job, feeling crap about my weight and my single life, when this man messages me on Scruff.

Several flirty messages later he says he wants to see me again. I agree.

I hadn't forgotten about the crap he did to me, but I certainly was remembering the good times (especially in between the sheets). But the best thing he ever did for me was to make me feel good about my body.

I remember he would put his hand on my stomach and say "you have a perfectly formed belly, and such smooth skin." And it made me swoon.

Without fail the first night we re-met, he says to me "wow, you haven't changed - you're just as hot" - even though I've gained 15kg since we last spoke.

He has reignited my confidence - and that's exactly what I needed at this point in time. So I'm dating him and having fun, but am wiser now knowing that he is a creature of habit and will not change his ways for anyone.

I'm just going with the flow.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Dying on stage...

2012 is a year to challenge myself... and boy, did I mange to do that last night.

I actually got up on stage and did a 5 minute stand up routine.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

The running list - number 10

My mate Andrew and I signed up to do a six-week stand up comedy course late last year. It was a series of workshops designed to get you writing and performing comedy. It culminated with a performance of your work in front of a live audience. We ended up with close to 200 people in the room.

I was close to having a major panic attack as the night went on - I knew my jokes were funny, but I was petrified about getting up on stage. And as each of the other guys performed, my confidence shrank and shrank - they were all so fucking excellent.

When it was my turn though, nerves just disappeared. I was well-paced, calm, and apparently very fucking funny - or so I have been told. I can't actually recall most of the set.

I did forget one "chunk" of material, but it didn't really matter, and my last joke fell very flat, which was disappointing. It had worked well in every rehearsal.

Afterwards I was buzzed with adrenalin - I don't know if I could ever do it again, but it was a very positive experience.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Say hello to my little friend...

Madonna here got scared when my mate Laura kicked her accidentally, so she climbed onto my foot for safety.

I am not a fan of Madonna's new single at all. I told her that and she ran off into the bushes to cry.

True story.

Sunday, February 19, 2012


As mentioned in an earlier post, I have signed up to do Feb Fast and give my poor liver a break from my boozing.

So far it has been very successful. 18 days in and I haven't slipped, though there have been a couple of times where I just wanted to sit and have a beer by the river with my mates. But I know all too well that it wouldn't have stopped at just one, and I would have been horribly mad at myself for succumbing to a binge.

I avoided a couple of parties early in the month because I didn't think I had the resolve to control myself. I know myself far too well.

Last night I had a major success... I managed to stay out until 2am with all my friends being very drunk. I met new people, they liked me. I drank nothing but soda and lime all night. I still had fun. In fact I had the most fun I've had in ages.

So in this light, I am now committing myself to doing an entire year alcohol free.

That is 366 days without a drink.

I have been mulling over this idea for a few weeks - three different health professionals have mentioned it to me through my array of usual appointments I have. Its time I started taking these people seriously.

It's not going to be an easy feat - but I keep telling people 2012 is the year I challenge myself. And I can't think of a bigger challenge than this.

18 days down, 347 to go.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Seriously loving this new video from OK Go;

And I seriously love this lyric;

"I've been waiting for months, waiting for years, waiting for you to change.
Aw, but there ain't much that's dumber, there ain't much that's dumber
than pinning your hopes on a change in another."

Hmmm... sums up things nicely I think.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Plans for the evening?

Well my little "dating" foray has come to an end... already. So there goes my Friday evening plans.

Two dates, two fantastic shags. Then he just stopped responding to my texts.

All right... I can take a hint buddy.

It hurts a bit, but god damn it, its good to know I'm not dead on the inside.

So take him away, and bring me another lover....