Australia's Got No Talent...

Lets get things straight. Australian Idol shits me to tears. Wannabe singers destroying great songs (and a huge number of shitty songs too) all in an attempt to garner a craptacular record deal that will be absolutely worthless and provide no longevity in the music industry (hello Casey Donovan, medical receptionist).

The fact the Kunty Kyle Sandilands managed to get his sizable arse fired from the show did nothing to excite me this year. It was just bound to be the same shit every Sunday night until the 17 year old Hill Song devotee is announced as winner.... boring.

Then they announced the new judge last night. Mr Jay Dee Springbett;

Wow. The ex-pat pom, R&D man for Sony BMG London is my type of man.

Baldy head? Check!

Nice and tall? Check!

Hot accent? Check!

Penis? Um, hopefully check!

That's all I need really.

He apparently is on the chunkier side of hunky (40 inch waist....meh), and is a dedicated family man (bugger), but I think he is one hot looking guy.

He looks like a shy, non-egotistical gentleman that would buy you breakfast the next day as a thank you for the many, many, many hours of hot man sex where he does horrible, nasty, sexy things to you as he whispers filthy nothings in that hot pommie accent into your ear.

Sigh.

But sadly, even with this hotness filling my TV screen, Idol still just isn't worth watching.

Head. Going. To. Explode.

Too much "must see TV" to choose from tonight...

The finale of homeMADE....

The hot one won as opposed to the really hot one. That is - Jason Sullivan (below left) wins the series;

When it's clear the hotness that is Darren Palmer (below centre) deserved to win;


Of course I have really no idea what their designs actually looked like, so I'm basing my choices on their looks alone. I'm shallow ike that.

Then we have the finale of Australia's Next Top Model Series 5 - I've never seen any of the previous five series before, but got sucked into. The finale came down to the chick with a mouth that looks like a well fisted arsehole, Cassie;


Versus the classic, curvy, well mannered girl who deserves to win - Tahnee.


Thank Christ Tahnee won. A very nice young lady, though the "Curvy" tag is totally undeserved. She's not anorexic, so that makes her fat obviously in the fashion industry.

Then we have the premier of the latest series of Torchwood. For those of you who have no idea, Torchwood is fucking fantastic spin off from Doctor Who (Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who... clever hey?) and has more fantastic story telling (no time travel bull shit), and with lots of sexual shenanigans... same sex, bi sex, hetero sex. Lots of man on man kissing.

Loves it.

It stars the very lovely John Barrownman (below centre) - an out Scottish man who married his long time lover not too long ago. And he is rather fetching too.

Watch it... yes it's Sci Fi, but fucking watch it.

Then tomorrow its the premiere of the next season of Project Runway - Fashion designers meets reality TV.

Loves it.

There really hasn't been this much good TV in a long time... I don't think I'll be leaving the house anytime soon.

Home Blah...

You all know I love my reality TV, especially when hot men are involved, even more so when they are doing one of my most favourite gay things... interior design.

So I should really love HomeMade on channel nine. Ten interior designers all battling it out to renovate people's homes and change their lives forever....

Blah blah fucking blah.

This show is a load of shit, but it should be great. 5 guys, 5 girls get to redesign some run down homes on a tight time frame with a $50,000 budget. But it is so unbelievably boring. I think it has something to do with them stretching it out over two nights a week - there's just no sense of urgency or pressure, even though the teams are working to tight deadlines.

Its also very obvious they have picked the designers based on the "eye candy" factor. Normally this wouldn't worry me, but with the success of Master Chef on Ten, with its greatly diverse casting, HomeMade just looks shallow in comparison.

Now lets get to the good part... the men.

This one is my favourite... Mr Darren Palmer;

Nicely muscled, nice amount of chest hair and in Sunday night's episode they showed him shaving his own hair without a shirt on. Pity he's straight.

Next is Jason Sullivan;

The publicity shot from the site doesn't do him much justice, so here's a shirtless one;

Damn it being so small, but you get the gist of the hotness going on... Blondes don't usually do it for me, but I'd still say yes.

I missed Tuesday's elimination episode... and I really couldn't care less. One of the skanky no talent whore women went home anyway. I hope the next challenge is at a nudist colony or something... that would really make it a much more interesting show.

Yes! I would love this man...

I have two new crushes... both thanks to a non-shitty film starring old lesbian-faced Jim Carrey - "Yes Man".

First is the female love interest - Zooey Deschanel;

She's got a great sexy/cute/out there vibe going on in the film. She kind of reminds of Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Stranger Than Fiction" - strong but soft at the same time. If she keeps putting in performances like this, she could very well be another woman I'll turn straight for.

Then there's the "best friend" - Bradley Cooper;

He played the jackass fiance in Wedding Crashers, but in this film he just smoulders. I think there's a bit of a Ralph/Joseph Feinnes vibe going on with him.

Hmmm... shirtless Bradley Cooper.

Overall, its not a bad film to watch. Loads of real LOL moments throughout... its been a long time since I've seen that in a Jim Carey movie.

He's my favourite fictional character...

I used to have a mild celebrity crush on Justin Timberlake. It all started with the film clip to the horrendous *Nsync song "Pop".

It was the first time I saw him with his hair clippered (instead of his horrible pube curls). He did lots of moves where he raised his nicely muscled (yet not bulky) arms up above his head and did some fairly sexy straight-to-camera looks.

So much hotter with a shaved head, yes?

It became one of the regular songs on rotation on the jukebox in the bar I managed, just so I could imagine JT doing things to me with those milky white toned arms... sigh.

Then there was the film clip to "Like I love You" with that little spoken word bit. It fairly made me swoon.

But fascination can be fleeting, and now I think Mr Timberlake is nothing more than a celebrity shagging, song-collaboration-ruining fool. He's not done anything specific to piss me off. I'm just over him.

And then there was Karmichael Hunt. The man is lean and hot in all the right places. And he looks great in his footy shorts.

Hmmm... thighs.

I actually bumped into him one day over at the Bronco's (seeing as its just across the street from one of our Campuses and I do tend to spend a bit of time in there avoiding work) and he was friendly and polite enough to smile and say hello. That put him up even higher in the hotness stakes for me.

But over the last couple of years the fascination has wained. He seems to sport a perpetual 5 day growth these days (3 days is fine, but 5 is just too much) and then there was the whole Alhambra toilet scandal with the other two Bronco's which didn't win him any new fans at all, and kinda lost me.


Hugh Jackman is another one that is falling out of favour. I've drooled over him in the past, as he does have a very fine "grown up" body going on. He's got some great muscle tone (hmmm pectorals), the right amount of definition in the abs (including the Adonis belt) and he has body hair (unlike some of the pretty boys at my gym). He's a real manly man.

But during the unrelenting, mind numbing, IQ reducing, mutual wank fest that was the media promotion for Australia he really started to shit me to tears. On Oprah all he seemed to do was slap his thighs at any unfunny joke and cackle like my mother after a bottle of wine. Then there was the German TV incident where stupid N Kidman tried to play the didgeridoo.


Is that supposed to be a traditional Aboriginal dance Hugh? Well it's not. So sit the fuck down and stop acting like a fucking wanker.

There is still time for Mr Jackman to redeem himself. Just divorce your wife Hugh and come shack up with me. It'll make up for all your past indiscretions.

Honestly.

Is anyone immune to this hotness?

God damn Hugh Jackman is hot. He seems to be getting better with age. Must be all the secret bum sessions he has with his male co-stars (alleged bum sessions that is).

Is there anyone on the planet that doesn't think this man is hot?

Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover?

That wasn't the Anchorman quote I intended to use here, but it always makes me giggle like a little girl. I was going to use the quote "Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love" - because ladies and gentlemen, I have found my perfect match;


The ever-so-lovely Patience from the Grates (and you all thought I was going to say Greg - well he knows that already).

After seeing The Grates play live last week where she was an absolute bundle of spastic energy on stage, I have been secretly lusting after her. A Brisbane girl that can sing like that and command a drunken crowd at the Arena is definitely worth lusting after.

Then I heard her on Nova with bug-eyed James Matheson and my love increased tenfold -anyone that can make old Jim sound intelligent is a keeper in my book.

And then to top it all off this morning she was co-hosting Video hits with the fucking tosser Nathan. She just looked so pretty and so natural in front of the camera. Someone give her a presenting job STAT!

Now if I could just get over my crippling fear of vadge and boobiess, and somehow stop my love of doodle, this relationship might actually go somewhere.

We just love multi-coloured balls!

My man crush and his beard have popped out another baby and have given it the strangest name on the planet.

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale (aka - the best looking couple on the planet) welcomed their second son into the world today - and named the poor kid Zuma Nesta Rock .

They already have a two-year-old named Kingston, which is a fantastic name. But Zuma is pretty out there. In fact, its actually the name of a web game where you used to shoot balls at other balls to make all the balls go away (hmm... sounds like a night at the Beat).

Oh well, I'm sure little Zuma will learn not to cry when the other boys beat the crap out of him when he hits highschool.

Would you hit it?

Three of the hottest words on the planet. Sonny. Bill. Williams.

I want to be reincarnated as his towel.

Would I hit it? Oh yeah.

You know Gretel is laughing her head off...

News from TV Tonight (then later repeated on Rove) - Big Brother has been cancelled.

No surprise really. Lets look at the facts that led to its demise-

1. Worst ratings ever - the daily show was often beaten by the ABC news, making it fourth in its time slot.
2. Useless hosts - as much as old battle axe Gretel was getting on my tits every week, she was a million times better than non-blinking Kyle, and personality-lacking Jackie
3. The promise of a completely "new" and "different" series resulted in nothing but one big bed, and the same shit as last year
4. Boring housemates - some called it a "freak show", with a midget and the squeaky hairy once, but they were all equally dull.
   
5. Poor support shows - in the past we had Uncut and Up Late and even the nominations show to keep us enthralled and entertained... this year all we got was Big Mouth (which I kinda liked) and the spastic specials (Carson 1 and 2, Hypnosis, Pamela).
   

And the biggest problem in my mind;

No Gays - not only was their a distinct lack of gay talk from an over-sexed, perpetually horny gay guy, there was very little eye candy at all. The gays, bi's and closet gays all tuned out because there was nothing to look at.

So long Big Brother... I really won't miss you at all.

And now for something completely different...

It's not a TV related post. It's a man in his underwear. It's obvious I only have a two track mind.

Said man is Eamon Sullivan, Olympic swimmer, boyfriend to Stephanie Rice (she of the "party girl" face book pic controversy a few months ago).

So he's not gay and he's not available to the women who read this (are there any?)... why did I post this again?

Pic from news.com.au

Mr Hawkins?

Jake Wall is hot.

Nothing more to add.

Australia's got.... wood?

From tvtonight comes this interesting pic...

Apparently this is Laurence O'Toole Jr, a contestant on the current series of "Australia's Got Talent".

Mr O'Toole's special talent is woodchopping - and his display of said talent left Dannii Minogue "speechless".

I think by speechless, they meant "moist".

He is kinda hot really, but does chopping into a lump of wood with his axe count as a talent? Does anyone else giggle at the use of "wood" in this post?

Does anyone else really hate this show though? Grant Denyer is a tool of extreme proportions, and the talent really ain't that great.

See a bigger pic of Mr O'Toole's axe here