It sounds more like a porn...

This has got to be the most entertaining opening sentence to news story ever;

"A BURGLAR who broke into the home of two sleeping men rubbed spices over the body of one and hit the other with 20cm sausage"

Wow. Seriously, wow. I am in awe of the journalist at news.com.au who got to write this story up. Can you imagine how much fun it would have been to write? Oh, the headline they came up with?

"Police hit a snag in proving spicy crime"

Absolute genius.

The story comes from Fresno, California where some dude seriously broke into a house, ransacked it, stole cash and then decided to rub spices on one guy and attack the other with a giant sausage.

He then fled, throwing away the "weapon", which was promptly eaten by the dog.

But why? Why rub spices on a man? Was he planning to eat him in some sort of cannibalistic ritual? Or was he planning to lick it off him in some sort of bizarre sexual act?

Don't get me started on the phallic symbolism of the giant sausage.

Apparently the police had no trouble tracking down the offender... he left his wallet and ID in the house.

Can't act, can't host

More Channel Seven light entertainment related news.

Daniel McPherson has been named as the new host for the next series of Dancing with the Stars. It's another interesting choice, as he really sucked balls on "X Factor".

I recall he sucked on the live shows, and often tried to use big words, but often got their meaning wrong.

Not that I really care, but I found this hot pic of him so I had to find a reason to post.

It's probably photo shopped, but who cares?

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Wow. This story from news.com.au is so stupid, its almost unbelievable -

A DESPERATE German woman called emergency services to rescue her after a visiting friend talked for 30 hours straight, authorities said Tuesday.

A police spokesman in the western city of Speyer confirmed reports that the guest rambled on about personal problems and became increasingly intoxicated until the 48-year-old dialled the emergency hotline.

"After an unbelievable 30 hours and failed attempts to encourage the guest to leave last Saturday, the woman did not know what else to do but to call an ambulance," the police said.

When the paramedics refused to carry the guest out of the apartment, the woman called the police, who picked up the friend and drove her home.The spokesman said the guest would face no criminal charges.

Wow...