Monday, September 8, 2008

It sounds more like a porn...

This has got to be the most entertaining opening sentence to news story ever;

"A BURGLAR who broke into the home of two sleeping men rubbed spices over the body of one and hit the other with 20cm sausage"

Wow. Seriously, wow. I am in awe of the journalist at news.com.au who got to write this story up. Can you imagine how much fun it would have been to write? Oh, the headline they came up with?

"Police hit a snag in proving spicy crime"

Absolute genius.

The story comes from Fresno, California where some dude seriously broke into a house, ransacked it, stole cash and then decided to rub spices on one guy and attack the other with a giant sausage.

He then fled, throwing away the "weapon", which was promptly eaten by the dog.

But why? Why rub spices on a man? Was he planning to eat him in some sort of cannibalistic ritual? Or was he planning to lick it off him in some sort of bizarre sexual act?

Don't get me started on the phallic symbolism of the giant sausage.

Apparently the police had no trouble tracking down the offender... he left his wallet and ID in the house.

2 comments:

Kezza said...

Where is this guy and when is he going to come and rob me? I reckon I could handle an assault with a 20cm sausage!

Ben said...

...that's what she said!

I'm sure there are plenty of 20cm sausage down your way Kez