Yay for not sleeping

Well I'm into my second night of not sleeping, so I thought I go through my half completed posts and see what I can spew out with as little effort as possible.... and it's a fucking Meme (I think I stole it from Damien from Two Cents Worth, but can't be sure)

Enjoy....or go fuck yourself. What ever pleases....

Fruit: Nil. I despise fruit. I know it's supposed to be good for me, but everything I buy just goes off in the fruit bowl. Ohhhh.... do lolly bananas count?

Flower: Oriental Lillie's... when my grandfather died, everyone at work chipped in for a big bunch of them. I took them home and my house just had the scent of these flowers in it for so long.

Ice Cream: Anything chocolate.... double, triple, double dipped with choc topping chocolate orgasm inducing chocolate CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE. But not white chocolate. That's for poofters and old ladies.

Restaurant: West End Garden at, um, West End. Fantastic little Vietnamese place that is just a stroll down the hill from my office. $7.50 chilli chicken with lemon grass and steamed rice. Friendly service (plus some cute waiters on a Friday).

Sport: Competitive masturbation. Sadly, no one wins.

Number: 15. Read this post for detail.

Soda: Coke Zero... or an old fashioned can of Sars.

Song: As of this very moment it's 3's & 7's by Queens of the Stone Age (Damn you guitar hero for having influence over my song choices).

Colour: Black. Like my sense of humour.

Saying: "Mother fucking cunt!" well I said it quite a few times today when I managed to blow up two PC's in the middle of massive data saves.

Actor: Anything cute with a six pack, that might look half gay will do. I'm not picky. But none of those poofter from Twilight. Seriously, get a tan.

Drink:Alcoholic.... Scotch and Dry, but am learning to enjoy a nice bottle of red lately.

Breakfast food: if I have time, poached eggs

Favorite possession: My sanity....but if I don't get some sleep it may not be round for much longer

Mall store: Universal Store

Fast food restaurant: Hanichi.... best value in any food court. Hmmm Japanese pork curry.

Comedian: Kathy Griffin, Jason Rouse

Brady Bunch or Gilligan's Island: Neither held much interest for me as a kid. I loved You Can't Do That on Television.

Holiday: Ekka Wednesday

Hard Candy: Werther's Originals reminds of my Pop, but I'm not really sure he ever had them. Strange.

Cartoon Character: Roger from American Dad

Kind of pants: Jeans... as long as they flatter my arse.

The lazy man's blog post... a meme

26 shit house things. Thanks to The Mutant for giving me something to do.

A - Age: 32 this year. Enjoying my age right now, and even though I'm rather bald and getting greyer, I still seem to be able to find twinks to pash on dance floors around town.

B - Bed size: A dodgey old double... it was the bed my parents bought for me when I was 15, and it didn't get used for 10 years when I lived in Toowoomba. It's time to upgrade... probably will use my K-Rudd money when it comes.

C - Chore you hate: Ironing. I hate it so much. I tend to iron in my jocks or nude and have often come very very close to burning my doodle.

D - Dog’s name: Rosie Pup. A big fat Labrador who turns eight this year, but everyone calls her Rosie Pup still.

E - Essential start to your day: The old triple "S" treat - shit, shower, shave.

F - Favorite colour: I go through phases... right now I'm back into black t-shirts all the time.

G - Gold or Silver: Gold gold silver silver chain chain sale sale (who remembers that Michael Hill Jeweller ad?)

H - Height: 185cm (6 foot 1 inch) - perfect height for Kez to lick my nipples.

I - Instruments: Trumpet to AMEB level 6 and Electronic Organ (yes, it was super gay) to AMEB level 5. I was so into my music that I had intended to go to the conservatorium and study to become a high school music teacher.

J- Job: Today - HR bitch (piss me off and I'll accidentally cancel your pay), tomorrow Senior Customer Service Manager (piss me off and I'll kill you). Yes... I'm starting a new job tomorrow - only temporarily though.

K – Kids: Unless arseholes start menstruating, I'm not getting anyone pregnant.

L - Living arrangements: Brand new three bed town house with two poofters in the front room, and me in one of the back rooms entertaining all my gentlemen callers.

M - Mum’s name: Monica... my sister and I have combined mum and dad's (Donald) names to refer to them as a single entity - Monald. But you have to say it like you are retarded.

N - Nicknames: I refer to myself as Benji quite a lot these days, and I really like it when people refer to me by my surname "Duce" - but only when they can pronounce it right (hint - there is no "J" sound in there).

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nil, nada, nix. Though I have been in the emergency room heaps, I've never stayed over night.

P - Pet Peeve: Slow walking people, people that push in, undies that ride up the butt, queeny twinks, twinky queens, bad drag queens, over-priced sambucca shots, vegans, vagina's.

Q - Quote from a movie: "I love lamp!" or perhaps "LOUD NOISES" from the best movie ever Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. The character of Brick Tambland is the best ever.

R – Robot or Human?: Robot hookers please.

S - Siblings: Older brother, younger sister. We are all mentally retarded.

T - Time you wake up: As late as possible. I am not an early riser (unless there is another body in bed with me then I like to wake up early and have a good shag, then fall asleep for a few more hours).

U- Underwear: Boxer Briefs - tight shorty things that cover my massive inner thighs but make my package stand out nicely.

V - Vegetable you dislike: I hate raw celery. I'd rather stick it up my arse and let it absorb the calories.

W - Ways you run late: Sleeping in. A former boss knew to never have meetings before 9:00am, as I would never be there on time.

X - X-rays you’ve had: Both feet, nose (after I got bashed at an Ipswich railway station as a teen), I've had CT scan of spine and head, and full head and lumbar MRI's. MRI was like being in a very loud coffin. I was too fat to fit in it properly and could hardly breath.

Y - Yummy food you make: Tiramisu - I use scotch liqueur instead of Kahlua, and its fucking fantastic.

Z - Zoo favourite: The one with the tits (get it? Zoo? As in Zoo Magazine? I give up).

Toucha Toucha Touch Me....

I'm too lazy to write, so here's a meme that I did on facebook...

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!


Questions:
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Don't Trust Me (3oh3)

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Midnight Show (The Killers)

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Cherry Lips (Garbage)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Bass Has Got Me Moving ((Love) Tattoo)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Lies Are Much More Fun (The Grates)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Promiscuous (Nelly Furtado)

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Wicker Chair (Kings of Leon)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Just a Song About Ping Pong (Operator Please)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Pottery is Gay (Anal Cunt).... I did not make this up BTW

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Naked in the Rain (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Get On Top (Chili Peppers)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Lucky (Radio Head)

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Trouble (Pink)

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tell Me Where It Hurts (Garbage)

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Flame Trees (Sarah Blasko)

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Take Me Back To Your House (Basement Jaxx)

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Paranoid Android (Radio Head)

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Horse Pills (Dandy Warhols)

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Horny as a Dandy (Mousse T/Dandy Warhols)

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Fun Punch (Bag Raiders)

21) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Boredom (The Tenants)

22) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Monkey & The Turtle (Christine Anu)

23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Brimful of Asher (Corner Shop - Norman Cook Mix)

24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Blinded by the Lights (The Streets)

25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Time Warp (Rocky Horror Picture SHow)

26) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Womaniser (Lily Allen version)

28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Just a Girl (No Doubt)

29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
I Am Siam (The Grates)

30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Love Story vs Finally (Layo Vs Bushwacka)

31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Toucha Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me (Rocky Horror Picture Show)


I particularly like the "How will you die?" question - monkey and the turtle? Is it going to be some sort of insertion related death?

Tom touched me... and not in a good way.

My favourite porn fiend, Tom the Skyhooker tagged me in a meme. An overly Americanised, politically touchy meme, but who am I to break the cycle and not complete it?

1. Would you do crystal meth if it was legalized?

Nope. Nada. Never. I dabbled in speed and Ecstasy quite a few years back, and found them both to be horribly addictive and dangerously mind altering. I just didn't like the person I became when I was bingeing, so I cut them out of my life (and an entire circle of friends). So to even think about doing Crystal Meth (legalised or not) is a big fat no from me.

2. Abortion: for or against?

Pro-choice here, but I object to an abortion being used as a substitute for contraception. I've known two women who have had multiple procedures carried out simply because they have "forgotten" to take the pill, or they just got so trashed they didn't know who they were rooting and "forgot" to use a condom. In the first case it was a long-term committed relationship, but please use some other measures to prevent pregnancy. For the second case, she's lucky she hasn't caught a life-threatening disease.

3. Would the country fall if there was a woman president?

Who would think that? Really? Why would that even be an issue? If she has the skills and abilities to do the job, then let her do it. I actually think Condaleeza Rice would be an OK US president. Even though she's part of the gay hating, baby killing, seal hunting, Satan loving Republican Party.

4. Do you believe in the death penalty?

No - Statistically its proven not to be a deterrent in preventing violent crimes.

5. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

No. As with Tom, it should be decriminalised, but it should never be made readily and easily available to the general public. After living with a massive pot head for 5 or so years and seeing her decline in stability and mental health, you can't tell me there is nothing dangerous about weed.

6. Do you believe in God?

No.

7. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?

Of course.

8. Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?

I think the US has too many Americans in it. That's what's wrong with it.

9. A 12 year old girl has a baby... should she keep it?

Tough one... depends on the circumstances. Family support will be instrumental in ensuring the kid and her kid are raised in a stable environment, but we all know some families are well and truly fucked and no matter what.

10. Should the alcohol drinking age be lowered to 18?

Alcohol is an issue. Too much emphasis on binge drinking - it seems to be a lot worse now then when I was a teen. And I'm guilty of binge drinking far too often. Maybe we should just bring back prohibition?

11. Should the war in Iraq be called off?

It's not a fucking birthday party that can just be cancelled because of the rain... but a staged withdrawal is necessary.

12. Assisted suicide is illegal... do you agree?

After seeing two relatives go through a very quick but very very painful lung cancer battle in the last year, I hate the thought of anyone being in so much pain and not able to do anything about it. HOWEVER - if they are in that much pain, do they really have the mental acuity to be making that sort of decision?

13. Do you believe in spanking your children?

There's a difference between spanking and a smack. I got smacks, I turned out fine.

14. Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

I'd let Tom use it as a cum rag and sell it on E-bay for a trillion bucks.

15. A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case... what do you think?

I think I'd like a chocolate cornetto right about now.

Now who do I tag to do it too?

Ms Smack (if she gets the time, Ms Study Bunny that she is)

Jen over at Storm in a Tea Cup

Kezza- because he doesn't post enough anymore
Phishez - same reason
and the lovely Victor at Someone for Me