Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The lazy man's blog post... a meme

26 shit house things. Thanks to The Mutant for giving me something to do.

A - Age: 32 this year. Enjoying my age right now, and even though I'm rather bald and getting greyer, I still seem to be able to find twinks to pash on dance floors around town.

B - Bed size: A dodgey old double... it was the bed my parents bought for me when I was 15, and it didn't get used for 10 years when I lived in Toowoomba. It's time to upgrade... probably will use my K-Rudd money when it comes.

C - Chore you hate: Ironing. I hate it so much. I tend to iron in my jocks or nude and have often come very very close to burning my doodle.

D - Dog’s name: Rosie Pup. A big fat Labrador who turns eight this year, but everyone calls her Rosie Pup still.

E - Essential start to your day: The old triple "S" treat - shit, shower, shave.

F - Favorite colour: I go through phases... right now I'm back into black t-shirts all the time.

G - Gold or Silver: Gold gold silver silver chain chain sale sale (who remembers that Michael Hill Jeweller ad?)

H - Height: 185cm (6 foot 1 inch) - perfect height for Kez to lick my nipples.

I - Instruments: Trumpet to AMEB level 6 and Electronic Organ (yes, it was super gay) to AMEB level 5. I was so into my music that I had intended to go to the conservatorium and study to become a high school music teacher.

J- Job: Today - HR bitch (piss me off and I'll accidentally cancel your pay), tomorrow Senior Customer Service Manager (piss me off and I'll kill you). Yes... I'm starting a new job tomorrow - only temporarily though.

K – Kids: Unless arseholes start menstruating, I'm not getting anyone pregnant.

L - Living arrangements: Brand new three bed town house with two poofters in the front room, and me in one of the back rooms entertaining all my gentlemen callers.

M - Mum’s name: Monica... my sister and I have combined mum and dad's (Donald) names to refer to them as a single entity - Monald. But you have to say it like you are retarded.

N - Nicknames: I refer to myself as Benji quite a lot these days, and I really like it when people refer to me by my surname "Duce" - but only when they can pronounce it right (hint - there is no "J" sound in there).

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nil, nada, nix. Though I have been in the emergency room heaps, I've never stayed over night.

P - Pet Peeve: Slow walking people, people that push in, undies that ride up the butt, queeny twinks, twinky queens, bad drag queens, over-priced sambucca shots, vegans, vagina's.

Q - Quote from a movie: "I love lamp!" or perhaps "LOUD NOISES" from the best movie ever Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. The character of Brick Tambland is the best ever.

R – Robot or Human?: Robot hookers please.

S - Siblings: Older brother, younger sister. We are all mentally retarded.

T - Time you wake up: As late as possible. I am not an early riser (unless there is another body in bed with me then I like to wake up early and have a good shag, then fall asleep for a few more hours).

U- Underwear: Boxer Briefs - tight shorty things that cover my massive inner thighs but make my package stand out nicely.

V - Vegetable you dislike: I hate raw celery. I'd rather stick it up my arse and let it absorb the calories.

W - Ways you run late: Sleeping in. A former boss knew to never have meetings before 9:00am, as I would never be there on time.

X - X-rays you’ve had: Both feet, nose (after I got bashed at an Ipswich railway station as a teen), I've had CT scan of spine and head, and full head and lumbar MRI's. MRI was like being in a very loud coffin. I was too fat to fit in it properly and could hardly breath.

Y - Yummy food you make: Tiramisu - I use scotch liqueur instead of Kahlua, and its fucking fantastic.

Z - Zoo favourite: The one with the tits (get it? Zoo? As in Zoo Magazine? I give up).


The Mutant said...

H = Oh my gawwwwwd, I totally fucking wanna now!

K = Solid gold! I could marry that answer!

M = You deserve to be shot, you celeb-named your parents. Its funny but also just plain nuts!

Thank you for taking the time to complete out survey - as a token of our esteeme we'd like to send you a free sample of Mutants Own Minge Wash - 'for the most mutant smelling minge in town!'

Anonymous said...

mmmmmmm twinks on dancefloors.... i always try to stick 4 fingers in, i've never met one who could handle it

Victor said...

mmmmm...tiramasu...love it...