Oh... a new post!
Anyway, I have started seeing a new gentleman. Well, not so new gentleman, as we were dating for about three months almost five years ago.
I wasn't yet out at the time. We met in a sex on premises venue, and the sex there was awesome so we exchanged numbers and started dating. He was 16 years older than me, with a shaved head and absolutely rocking body - perfectly formed six pack.
He was actually the first man I ever slept with - that is spent the night instead of just going to sex clubs for action and going home. He was also the first man I had a dinner date with, the first man to hold my hand in public, the first man to kiss me on a beach in the moonlight.
And predictably, he was the first man to absolutely crush my heart. He never stopped going to the sex clubs - this was never hidden from me, but it became obvious that I wasn't his first priority. He left me waiting many nights at home alone while he would go to a sauna and play around.
The absolute kicker came the night of my 30th birthday when he arrived at my door at 3am instead of 11pm as arranged. On my fucking birthday? I'd had enough.
Skip forward five years - and have been fairly down in recent months. Feeling crap about my film studies failing, feeling crap about being back in a boring office job, feeling crap about my weight and my single life, when this man messages me on Scruff.
Several flirty messages later he says he wants to see me again. I agree.
I hadn't forgotten about the crap he did to me, but I certainly was remembering the good times (especially in between the sheets). But the best thing he ever did for me was to make me feel good about my body.
I remember he would put his hand on my stomach and say "you have a perfectly formed belly, and such smooth skin." And it made me swoon.
Without fail the first night we re-met, he says to me "wow, you haven't changed - you're just as hot" - even though I've gained 15kg since we last spoke.
He has reignited my confidence - and that's exactly what I needed at this point in time. So I'm dating him and having fun, but am wiser now knowing that he is a creature of habit and will not change his ways for anyone.
I'm just going with the flow.