Monday, January 12, 2009

Sounding like a Pink song much?

I'm having an identity crisis. For the last couple of years now I've been selling my self as a "gay, former fatty and potential alcoholic" - shit even one of the boxes in my side bar says pretty much the same thing.

And as a way of describing yourself, that is a pretty shitty way to do it.

I'm by no means ashamed by these things though (well the excessive grog is a bit worrisome sometimes), but should I be defined this way?

I only came out in 2007, and after spending so many years hiding it from everyone that was close to me, I found myself slipping it into conversation with new acquaintances with in a couple of minutes;

"So you're a hairdresser? My ex-boy friend was a hairdresser". Nothing sleazy, nothing sinister, but it probably wasn't necessary 9 out of the 10 times I did it, and most of these strangers who I've never seen since probably didn't give a shit anyway.

It's the same with my weight loss. There was a stage after I'd lost the 35 kilo's where all I could talk about was the gym, weight watchers, and low-fat eating. I surely was boring the shit out of anyone in ear shot, but a lot of the women at work would ask me about it, so I happily obliged. But I've been this weight now for almost two years (apart from some minor fluctuations), so is it time to leave that part of my life behind?

And now with the grog, I've obviously made enough comments about my drinking shenanigans that the first thing my boss asked me this morning was "Did you have another boozy weekend?". And how often do I regale people with stories of me being refused entry to every bar in the Valley for being drunk out of my skull?

Well enough is enough.

I don't want to be defined by the place I like to stick my dick.

I don't want to be remembered for being the guy that used to be morbidly obese.

I don't want to be the guy that people put bets on will pass out first at parties because he drinks so much.

But when you take all that out, what is left? Well plenty really.

I'm a fantastic cook and love whipping up great meals for my housemates and sharing recipes with the ladies at work (of course they're low fat ones).

I have a very strange sense of humour - dark, sarcastic, definitely left of centre, but people that like that sort of thing, love my jokes.

I love to write (though the last month or so I've not been getting to it as much due to work and the house move), and people actually enjoy reading my words. I'm taking some steps to become semi professional this year. I've enrolled in a short course on freelancing, and am about to submit a couple of features to various magazines and street press.

There is so much more to me than I used to let the world know. I just need to change my own marketing and sell the positives.

4 comments:

faz said...

sounds exciting! i've been doing the same lately, new house, new life, new me!! woot!

Your blog is highly amusing to read!!

i'm curious about those recipes!

Andy Man said...

Hmmm. I see your problem. Just turn into a screaming queen. It'd be easier in the long run.

The Mutant said...

Despite you may have pushed some of the negatives in the past I've managed to see past all that and I've fallen in love with the good points of you, but at the end of the day everything goes together to make you who you are. I do wish you the very best of luck with your positive-pushing though!

Gabriel said...

sweetheart, leave some of those bags behind and step into the new you. changes can be hard but they can only be better on the next move :)