Monday, January 5, 2009

B1 & B2 can fuck right off...

So I'm still sitting here at work on my first day back. I've got a massive deadline looming and I just have to get this shit done.

The lights above my desk are buzzing madly.

There is no one else left except the woman they fired today (Happy New Year! We have no budget left to pay for your salary for you anymore). I think she might be stealing the stationary but can't be sure.

It doesn't matter, I think I'll be here for a couple of more hours yet.

I'm starving.

I'm so hungry I could easily go down and buy 3 packs of chips and a couple of chocolates out of the vending machine. But I somehow managed to lose a couple of kilos over the last 10 days, so I want to continue the trend and get under 90 kilo's by my birthday. So I'm glad I remembered to pack some healthy snacks before I left today.

I opened up my bag to dig out my healthy snack. And it's a banana. I hate bananas.

Why the hell did I decide that was going to be a great afternoon appetite suppressant? Couldn't I have chucked some rice crackers in there? I'm pretty sure I had some little packets of tiny teddies stashed somewhere for these sort of occasions. But no, Benji had to pick a fucking banana.

And not just any banana. This one is just on the verge of being over ripe. The smell is rank. Kind of like the back room of a old-fashioned grocery store where they stash all the fruit that is no longer suitable to sell. I keep looking about just in case the little fruit flies have found it in my bag. It's squishy in too many places and the skin has far too many dark brown blotches on it to even consider eating it.

But I'm so hungry.

So I peel off the brown-spotted skin to reveal a squishy yellow stringy shape that really needs to be thrown away. But if I don't eat it, I'll just end up getting HJ's on the way home and that would be bad.

I just close my eyes and eat the fucking thing.


But it's gone now. And I'm not so hungry anymore.

I keep buying the stupid yellow things to stick in the fruit bowl, and more often than not, I just chuck the fuckers out. I know they are supposed to be quite good for men losing weight/gaining muscle, but I just hate them so much.

Actually the only thing I hate more than bananas, is banana flavoured products.

Banana paddle pops? Spew. Banana Quick? Chunder. Though I really like banana lollies.

Interesting Benji fact: I once beat two sisters in a banana deep throating contest. After I successfully put most of that thing down my throat (and it wasn't a lady finger thank you very much), one of them looked at me with absolute disgust, the other looked at me with what I think was a mix of pride, jealousy and lust.

That banana was thrown out.


phishez said...

I used to hate bananas. It was the texture that got me. but I did love dried bananas and banana lollies. Both of which I cannot eat any more.

But I do eat bananas now. Sometimes. When the mood strikes me and they're just ripe.

Gabriel said...

whatever taste like shit and you hate the most is probably the best for you. i'm starting to hate bananas too but they are an important part of your gym diet. so i just suck my breath in and swallow like any gay boy.

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Andy Man said...

"I once beat two sisters in a banana deep throating contest"

Holy fuck! How the hell did this come up into your polite conversation? How?

Can I come crash your life?

Reality Raver said...

Andy man I would suggest alcohol was involved.

I too am banana phobic. Even if I was starving on Survivor I could not eat one

Asphodel said...

Wow I could not fathom such banana hate could exist for such a sing song word!

cb said...

I trust the deepthroated banana was sans peel??

Ms Smack said...

I only bananas when they're hard. I don't do banana lollies, or banana anything, except banana cake!

Where are you dude?