Thursday, November 20, 2008

They were looking at me.... with their eyes!

There are some certifiable loonies in all of our lives. Like the whacked-out meth addicts who like to take a shit beside my car in the work car park at West End, or my crazy alcoholic uncle who likes to beat up WWII veterans on Anzac Day eve and then blame Jesus for telling him to do it.

But there is one loony who has been making wild accusations against a lot of fellow bloggers lately that has really got on my nerves. Some weird shit about people's blog titles being linked which means we're all out to subliminally steal her thoughts via some sophisticated wizardry and a conspiracy with Kinko's, the FBI, Michael Jackson's pet monkey and Hilary Clinton's left flap.

Yeah... that's totally believable love.

But the ever-so-loverly Ms Smack has bore the brunt of these farcical stories, so in honour of one of my favourite bloggers, I proudly and loudly declare...

Yes Ms Smack... you have successfully hacked my heart with your rapier wit, and cunning sense of style. If only boobies didn't make me vomit in fear, and fish tacos didn't make me break out in hives, you would be the perfect life partner for me.

Heart you.


Ms Smack said...

Aw, hell. That's so cute. You're just the sweetest thing!!

Can you be my Will, if I be your Grace?


unique_stephen said...

get a room kids.
the fish tacos are on me - if only I can find a double adapter here some place.

Cat said...

Lolers at Stephen's comment!

I came by way of Ms. Smack.


kerry said...

Ben, you have wonderful taste. About time people noticed how truly lovely she is. The dignity and courage she has shown in the face of these trolls is admirable!
We love the smack!

Kerry said...

oh and I am loving reading your words..thanks for the heads up Ms Smack! Great blog Ben!!

Ms Smack said...

Kerry, you're right on the money. He's as funny as ever. His rapier wit is far sharper than mine!

the projectivist said...

i had to vomit quietly at the thought of Hilary's ummm, flap.


Evan said...

Hi Ben,

I too came here from Miss Smack.

I used to live in West End - more than five years ago now, mostly before the f@#*wit developers moved in.

Ben said...

Welcome all you you Smack fans who have been rerouted this way by her malicious subliminal shenanigan - oops, I mean link.

Apologies in advance for spelling errors, excessive swearing, poor formatting and wildly inaccurate info and rants.

Hope you all keep coming back though... I try to be entertaining.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

You do realize the real reason she posted your name to the blog is because Crushed just mentioned something about an overman on his, don't you?

And this probably is in conjunction with someone else's life who is going to pick someone named Ben as an overman in the near future.

It has nothing to do with you dipshit. Your name was used because of someone else with the same name.

No CIA shit here. It's fucking false advertising and marketing. Period.

They synchronize the names because the celebrity I used to email does shit according to the titles of the blogs.

My emails got hacked because I was writing the same celebrity and figured some shit out.

It's all done as a means of false advertising because of the way the association centers in the brain picks things up.

It's not some CIA shit. It's brilliant (deceitful) marketing using people and linking blogs. PERIOD.

Ben said...

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

Madam Z said...

Welcome to the funny farm, Ben! We all have so much FUN here! I'm so glad Miss Smack introduced us. (Don't try to escape, though. The inmates guard the gates.)

Ms Smack said...

Shelly's point about Ben is true by the way. I once had a spicy meal cooked by Ben.

You're doomed, honey.

Much luv to ya

travistee said...

Oh this looks fun...can I play? NOT!

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Hey travistee, why did someone erase all of your shit through the Google Blog Search Engine?

I guess that's just my eyes seeing things too.

Or maybe it's just a bunch of guilty assholes who are afraid they are going to get caught and have a tendancy to erase the bread crumbs so nobody else will find the trail.

simple simon said...

What the hell is Shelly on about? Did someone forget to take their medication?

Letty Cruz said...

HEY just driving by via Ms. Smack's link....*looking around*...OH.MY.DAMN! And here I thought I had a slight paranoia issue going on :O

Anyhey, yeah, after my very own altercations with internet freaktards, I wish you the best, hot stuff (((HUGS)))

phishez said...

LOLZ! This is better than the Bold and the Beautiful. Except its the Deranged and Delusional!

What I don't get is why someone is going back to a website that they believe is haxorating them?

Ms Smack said...

Phish, that's a bloody good point.. and what I'm curious to know.. is what on earth makes them think that a real hacker would pick them? LOL

Letty Cruz said...

P.S. -- I looove your post titles!

Andy Man said...

Ok... I go away for a few days, to find that my favourite GAY blog has been infiltrated by women.


Ms Smack said...

Andy, pucker up honey!

There's enough cinnamon star for everyone!



unique_stephen said...

looks like all the cool kids have found a new place to hang out.

Why won't Shelly hack me... I feel so left out.

Josh said...

Lawlz, your description of female special parts is spot-on. A straight friend of mine still insists that the lower ladyparts more closely resemble the Predator's mouth than fish tacos though, and I am inclined to agree.

Ms Smack said...

Josh, try dried apricots. They look ALOT like that ! :)