Monday, November 17, 2008

If you keep picking at it, it'll get infected

I remember going camping every year at Christmas as a kid. It used to really shit me to tears. Sleeping on those crappy canvas bunks beds, where one twitch from my brother or sister would make the whole thing rock. Drinking crappy UHT milk that tasted like it had been filtered through dad's sweaty work socks. Showering in the disgusting shower block where I'm sure you were stepping in puddles that weren't warm water fresh out of the shower nozzle.

I think it was obvious to everyone back then, that I was not comfortable unless I had the finer things in life including carpet and an ensuite.

But the worst thing about camping was that I would attract all the mosquitoes and sand flies, and as such would get bitten a million times on the first night. And being a rather impulsive person with little self control, I would scratch the hell out of those bites.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Bleed, bleed, bleed.
Scratch, scratch scratch.

Then some wise-arse adult would pipe up on the second or third day and say "If you keep picking at those scabs boy, they'll get all infected." Well duh. Thanks for your input. Let me just keep scratching them to prove that I don't really care what you have to say about anything.

But sure enough, usually by day four, infection became my friend.

I'd end up in the local GP/small town hospital emergency room/ambulance station with some rather festy, pus-riddled open sores on my legs with the infection steadily creeping through my blood stream.

Depending on the extent of the infection, I would either get a topical cream to apply, or a couple of antibiotic shots to the arse cheek, and then banned from swimming until the sores would heal over.

Not a fun way to spend your summer holiday.

So, with all this in mind I shuddered at the news that they will be releasing a sequel to Donnie Darko in 2009, simply entitled "S. Darko". Something about being set 7 years after the first, based around his little sister going on a road trip and then a mind trip.

What ever.

"What the fuck has this got to do with infections?" I hear you all screaming at me.

Donnie Darko is the mosquito bite - annoying, quite painful to watch, but strangely addictive and you just had to sit through it and scratch away until you worked out what the hell was going on. But you just managed to stop scratching at the right moment, before you got infected.

But with S. Darko, the studio executives will rip the still moist scab off your weeping bites and force you to scratch even harder, because they are just going to turn up the crazy in monumental proportions just to try and keep up with the utter insanity of the first one, but you just know its not going to make any sense at all (kind of like this post), so its just going to come off as a completely and utterly unwatchable load of shit that all the Donnie Darko purists will absolutely hate but have to keep scratching just to find the hidden meaning and thus cause a massive infection that causes you to turn to drugs to ease the pain and inflammation.

So watching crap movie sequels = infected mosquito bites and needles in the arse.

Don't say I didn't warn you.


Kezza said...

As much as I hate to admit it, I'll be one of those scabby people. I mean there doesn't need to be a sequel, well actually there doesn't need to be a Donnie Darko in the first place, but now... well I'm itchy dammit!

Anonymous said...

Too much coffee lately? I really can't fathom what the fuck goes through your little head sometimes.

You are a scary man.

simple simon said...

Can't they leave well enough alone? Donnie Darko was fucking brilliant. Weird and kinda didn't make any sense, but brilliant.

THis will suck balls for sure.

Josh said...

Definitely no need for a sequel--unless there will be more gratuitous Jake in it, and if that's the case then HELL YES bring it on.