Monday, September 22, 2008

How to freak out the new boyfriend...

We all know that I am a sleep walker, but luckily I have always been able to keep my nocturnal wanderings to my own room (or house when I lived alone) and I've never done it when sharing my bed with anyone.

Well that all changed on Saturday night.

The Man and I went out for a few drinks on Saturday evening. Nothing too special. Just a quick visit to The Beat (not a "Beat" but a nightclub called "The Beat" for you southerners) where I imbibed enough beer to make me giggly, but not a big night by my usual standards. We were back at his place by 4am and happily in bed soon after. No dramas, lots of fun.

When I've had a few drinks, I tend to sleep really heavily. No tossing and turning. Maybe a bit of snoring, but it's usually a nice deep sleep. So I was a bit surprised when I rolled over at 11am and found the following sitting all neatly stacked together on the floor on my side of the bed -

1. - An iron
2. - Approximately 10 DVD's
3. - Scrabble

Holy shit. Fucking psycho alert.

The Man was already up and out of bed (cooking me breakfast, as he does most mornings) so there was no way I could put all the stuff back before he noticed. That would have been an exercise in futility though, as I had no idea where I got them from in the first place.

It's not my fucking house.

I laid there for a few minutes in a state of mild panic. What if I went into his housemates' rooms to get this stuff? Was I wandering around naked? What if he thinks I'm a freak? What if he dumps me?

After a while the need to relieve my bladder became over whelming, so I jumped out of bed (I discovered I was wearing boxers that I didn't go to sleep in - phew, I wasn't naked) and walked out into the kitchen with all the stuff I had collected to be greeted by roars of laughter from all assembled.

It appears that I made few trips throughout the morning and when the man asked me what I was doing I responded "I'm going fishing".

Luckily I had told him about my sleep walking early on, so he wasn't too surprised.

8 comments:

Kezza said...

What the fuck were you fishing for, a maid who was dux of her English class? Good choice of bait if you were! Just be thankful for small mercies... putting boxer shorts on was abviously a wise move, good thing your sleep walking mind kept your modesty intact!

Ben said...

But they weren't my boxers...

Kezza said...

Did they belong to your boyfriend or one of his housemates?

Ben said...

Shit... I'm not sure who they belonged too. But they certainly weren't mine.

Anonymous said...

hey, been reading your blog for a while. i really enjoy you work.

but can i just say.. by referring to your 'boyfriend' as "the man", makes him sound old and decrepit!! sounds like you're his boy toy...


"The Man and I went out for a few drinks on Saturday evening."

"The Man was already up and out of bed (cooking me breakfast, as he does most mornings)...."

fuck dude. just call him by his real name!!!

calling him the man doesn't make him or you sound cool.

keep up the awesome blogs though.

Brett said...

I agree.

I love the blogs, but cringe at all entries when you refer to your boyfriend as "The Man".

Being gay myself and having a boyfriend, the thought of him calling me "The Man" to his friends at work or family is quite embarassing.

Brett said...

I agree.

I love the blogs, but cringe at all entries when you refer to your boyfriend as "The Man".

Being gay myself and having a boyfriend, the thought of him calling me "The Man" to his friends at work or family is quite embarassing.

Ben said...

Point taken guys - but out of respect for his privacy, I don't use his real name.

I shall now refer to him as "Mr Gigantic Schlong" instead.