Sunday, April 10, 2011

From Chaos Comes Clarity

I must admit I am possibly at the lowest I have ever been in my life. My alcoholism has returned full force, work is completely stressing me out, I have no money, I am fatter than ever.

I get mad very easily, but then I cry even easier. I get asked to leave pubs because no one likes to see the gay man crying into his beer. It's just not pretty.

Its been very hard to find find any motivation over the past few months. It feels like I've been treading water for so long, just barely staying afloat. There are days where I think it would be easier to stop trying, and let myself sink.

But today I've had an epiphany. I was walking home from breakfast with a couple of friends, and it just hit me...

It's all going to be OK.

Not much of an epiphany, but it actually made me stop in the street for a moment.

Yes - this year has been hell so far. Floods, relationship failures, moving house, flooding house have all taken their toll. But it can, and will get better. Because I will make it better.

I am in control of this life, and I'm the only one who can change things.

There are many hurdles I have to overcome, but I have more support and love than I ever realised.

Why has it taken me so long to work this out?

9 comments:

Victor said...

Yep; it's all in your hands and I'm sure you can make.

Every hurdle you jump is there just so you can feel that much more satisfied that you conquered it.

Victor said...

Um, should read '...you can make it'

Anonymous said...

hello from new england.I stumbled on your site and in your writing encountered honesty, integrity and stuff. thanks ....

phishez said...

Sometimes the little steps in the right direction are the hardest. Kudos to you.

Damien Oz said...

Kudos indeed - little steps - stay focused - don't let any setbacks prevent you from continuing forward.

Shalom to you.

Damien

Stu said...

Maybe you weren't meant to realise this until now...

Your future will be whatever you want to make of it - and only you can make it an absolutely amazing future - we have faith that you can do it!!!

M9 Review said...

Its never too late as long as your love ones out there to support, I hope you will do better from here on!best wihes

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