Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It's worse than the swine flu pandemic...
It's time to go hunting... it's time to kill the fucking blue bird that is "Twitter".
Twitter is the evil that is killing blogging as we know it. It is sapping our creativity 140 characters at a time. And as such, it is making the blogsphere one very boring place indeed.
Its quite simple really... the more witty you try and be in your twitter posts, and the more regularly you update your twitter account, the harder it will be to sustain your creative genius and provide a quality post on your own proper blogger account.
I liken it to a gentleman's orgasm. Sure, most blokes can have more than one in a day. The more talented ones will have 7, 8, maybe even 9 "releases" in a 24 hour period, but the problem is the first one will be nice and strong, but the second and subsequent ones will take a little bit longer to produce, and the end result will never be as satisfying as that first one. And by the time you finally spurt out that last one you will be so drained that it actually hurts, and very little if anything of worth will come out. But when you awaken the next morning and realise you need to produce the same number of samples, you know its going to be a tough day.
So instead of producing one great, imaginative and well written blog post a day (or even every second day), the quality posts are being diluted by micro-blogging multiple times a day. It just can't be sustained.
I used to be in awe of my fellow twitterers when i first started logging in when I got home from work. Such creativity, such imagination. SUCH BULLSHIT! Have you actually read the shit these people are putting up for the world to see? I don't care what you had for lunch. I don't care that you almost stood in dog shit. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK ASHTON KUCHER IS DOING AT ANY GIVEN TIME. EVER. Jesus Christ people, get a fucking life.
And of course I tried my best to fit in with all the other tweeters out there. While I tried to make my tweets edgy and imaginative, they just became an exact copy of my status updates on Facebook, and that's just fucking lazy (Yes - I'm looking at you Mr Sky Hooker).
And while you yourself may not "tweet" on a regular basis, or may not even have an account, you can pretty much guarantee that at least 80% of your favourite bloggers do, and if you're anything like me, you are inspired to write by those on your blog roll. So if they are investing too much time in micro-blogging, and aren't producing some ripping yarns on their pages, why should you?
This is a call to arms. If you love your blogging community you must act now to save it. Delete your Twitter account. Delete the Twitter widget from your sidebar. Delete any requests from friends who want you to follow them immediately. Delete, ignore, burn any reference to twitter you come across, and heckle and insult those who refuse to comply.
Twitter is evil and must be stopped, or life as we know it will cease to exist.
Its all up to you.