Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It's worse than the swine flu pandemic...

It's time to go hunting... it's time to kill the fucking blue bird that is "Twitter".

Twitter is the evil that is killing blogging as we know it. It is sapping our creativity 140 characters at a time. And as such, it is making the blogsphere one very boring place indeed.

Its quite simple really... the more witty you try and be in your twitter posts, and the more regularly you update your twitter account, the harder it will be to sustain your creative genius and provide a quality post on your own proper blogger account.

I liken it to a gentleman's orgasm. Sure, most blokes can have more than one in a day. The more talented ones will have 7, 8, maybe even 9 "releases" in a 24 hour period, but the problem is the first one will be nice and strong, but the second and subsequent ones will take a little bit longer to produce, and the end result will never be as satisfying as that first one. And by the time you finally spurt out that last one you will be so drained that it actually hurts, and very little if anything of worth will come out. But when you awaken the next morning and realise you need to produce the same number of samples, you know its going to be a tough day.

So instead of producing one great, imaginative and well written blog post a day (or even every second day), the quality posts are being diluted by micro-blogging multiple times a day. It just can't be sustained.

I used to be in awe of my fellow twitterers when i first started logging in when I got home from work. Such creativity, such imagination. SUCH BULLSHIT! Have you actually read the shit these people are putting up for the world to see? I don't care what you had for lunch. I don't care that you almost stood in dog shit. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK ASHTON KUCHER IS DOING AT ANY GIVEN TIME. EVER. Jesus Christ people, get a fucking life.

And of course I tried my best to fit in with all the other tweeters out there. While I tried to make my tweets edgy and imaginative, they just became an exact copy of my status updates on Facebook, and that's just fucking lazy (Yes - I'm looking at you Mr Sky Hooker).

And while you yourself may not "tweet" on a regular basis, or may not even have an account, you can pretty much guarantee that at least 80% of your favourite bloggers do, and if you're anything like me, you are inspired to write by those on your blog roll. So if they are investing too much time in micro-blogging, and aren't producing some ripping yarns on their pages, why should you?

This is a call to arms. If you love your blogging community you must act now to save it. Delete your Twitter account. Delete the Twitter widget from your sidebar. Delete any requests from friends who want you to follow them immediately. Delete, ignore, burn any reference to twitter you come across, and heckle and insult those who refuse to comply.

Twitter is evil and must be stopped, or life as we know it will cease to exist.

Its all up to you.


Tom Gaylord said...

lol how very dare you! I from time to time make edgy imaginative different statuseseseses (how do you spell that?)....... But I tihnk there is merit in your argument....... Twitter is really fucking dull.... Yet I can't bring myself to delete it, argh!

Jackdaw said...

I fully agree with your opinion on Twitter. No creativity, real content: tweets are just so empty and pointless.

The Mutant said...

I don't use twitter, I don't have and account and I don't follow anyone there. I know this one blogger who repeats his tweets on his blog and I want to stab him.

Twitter is one of those techno-challenges I refuse to adhere to. It must die and it must die soon.

Plus how the fuck to you fit anything into 140 characters? Even an SMS is longer than that!

Victor said...

I resigned from Facebook after a couple of weeks when I realised I was drowning in a flood of shockingly irrelevant emails and messages.

I have been stuttering along with Twitter and occasionally found it useful as a message exchange with some other Twit online at the same time although in reality that simply makes Twitter an abbreviated form of messenger service.

Best of all though has been your vivid male orgasm metaphore. I'm impressed that you know what it is like to orgasm nine times a day. I think that your experience in this area is worth a full blog post for our edification.

vag_of_madge said...

How very ghastly. Whilst I may very much be a blogosphere Amish (I never even had a MySpace account, let alone Facebook, blogspot, etc...), I'd like to think I'd never allow a blog phenomenon/peer Jonesing sap my creativity away like that.
Plus, I don't really have the time (or at least, spend it on other lazy pursuits).

cb said...

I use twitter, yet blog pretty much every day. The trick is to keep twitter as it was meant to be-- inane chatter about sex and bowel movements.

Ms Smack said...

Completely agree that it's the main culprit for the demise of blogging.

I don't have a twitter account. I find them brain-numbingly boring.

Great post, honey.


vag_of_madge said...

A bit juvenile, but on-topic:


Does the growing Twitter backlash mean it's already had its day, a la Myspace?