Thursday, May 14, 2009

Worst. Kiss. Ever.

So we were supposed to meet at 9:00 at the Wickham but he didn't show. I wait til 9:30, which was 30 minutes longer than I should have.

I get home and 11:30 he calls me "I got stuck at work, sorry" - but he sounds trashed. "I really want to meet you though".

Hmmm... his profile pics were very very hot, and it might be fun.

So I get back in the car and go and meet him. He's profile pictures did him no justice at all. Tall, dark and handsome is really an insult to him. He was so fucking hot.

And he could hardly stand up.

He was all over me, but kept telling me how his ex was bad in bed, and how he had fucked the bar guy last weekend, and how he's sick of guys perving on him in the looker room at the gym.


It was late, I was getting bored. This was not worth the drive back in.

Then he leans in for a kiss. Ok, maybe this was worth the drive back in. Kissing this hot Adonis of a man... this will be great.

Oh wait. Its not.

It was like his tongue got an erection and he was trying to fuck my mouth with it.

Worst. Kiss. Ever.

I said I had to go to the toilet, and just went home.


The Mutant said...

At least you were able to serve back a little of what he was dishing out to you by just fucking off! Nice work.

Clearly he's fallen into the hot-man-trap of relying on his looks with zero substance to back it up. I hate that, hot men should be hot at everything, not just posing.

That's why as an ugly fucker I pride myself on my technique. Oh god, I just realised something - that means you'd also be a shit root too wouldn't you Ben?

DamienNZ said...

Mutant - you aint ugly boy!

If I was single - thinner - with some energy - Id do ya :)

Ben said...

I'm a great root - that's what my highschool maths teacher told me (sorry - bad joke).

And as per my Alphabet meme... I'd def let the mutant lick my nipples (You too damien)

DamienNZ said...


*insert modest blush here*

Anonymous said...

Bad kisser=dumpsville.
Can't kiss, can't fuck.
Harsh, but true.

DamienNZ said...

Oh Jen - How true.....

Ben said...

Sex with no kissing is just pointless... I may as well have bought a blow up doll.

cb said...

the theory is men kiss like they fuck. I think you dodged a bullet. A very hot, attractive bullet.

Anonymous said...

Oh my.......... Gaydar date? How did this date come about? You deserve better than blotto mutts! KISS ME!

Ms Smack said...

EW, horrible experience Ben!

And Mutant's comment cracks me up! hahahaha.

We all gotta kiss toads/frogs before we find our prince honey. Mouthwash and jump back on the wagon!

Take it easy