Thursday, April 30, 2009

You're cute... but what's wrong with you?

It's that time of year. The seasons change, the weather gets that little bit cooler, snuggling in bed no longer results in sweaty stained bedsheets. Yes - It's the time of year I run along to the free sexual health clinic and have my gay man checks done.

I rocked up on a Monday morning and joined the queue of people deciding to find out their fate.

As I was sitting there in the waiting room trying not to stare at the scab-covered transvestite hooker in the corner when a rather tall, nice looking, sharply dressed man walked in and sat directly opposite me. He had the shaved head, the goatee, and the killer eyes. Our eyes met and we shared a smile.


Wait a second, is it a good idea to even consider the worthiness of a man in a sexual health clinic waiting room? What if he's there for something really really bad? Anal warts? Pissing blood? Fourteen dead hamsters from a Richard Gere party still stuck up his bum?

But then again, he could just be there for his STD screens like me?

Before I could ponder if subtle flirting was a bad option, I was called into to see the female nurse and have my willy poked and prodded, and have swabs taken of every possible orifice. Apparently I'm quite good at accepting the throat swab - got to love having no gag reflex!

But as fate would have it I bumped into cute man in the toilets when I had to supply a urine sample. Unfortunately he called out to me from the next cubicle "I don't know about you, but I'm pissing razor blades here".

Hmmm... not a wise place to cruise men I'd say.

PS - the results came back all negative. Joy!

PPS - Yes I know it can take several months for some results to show up, but it's still a minor victory.


The Mutant said...

Hmmmm, pissing razor blades, eh? Not a good start really. But what you should've done is arranged a time and place to meet if you both got back a clear result. that way if one doesn't show you know what they've been up to - then you can bareback like randy rabbits knowing you're both okay.

That or you should've passed your number on to the scabby tranny, up to you really

Victor said...

I suppose I can admit now (thirty years after the event) that I was hit on by the Doctor's male assistant during a sexual health check.

The assistant was taking my blood sample with the Doctor scribbling away nearby behind his desk and meaningfully pressed my clenched fist against his package.

Gay nature took its course minutes later and when I departed the surgery a short time later it was with more than just a blood sample having been taken from me.

I know; I'm a slut.

Victor said...

Having re-read my posting above I should clarify that gay nature took its course between me and the assistant only. There was no hanky panky with the doctor. Even my slutiness has its limits.

cb said...

I'd say give it two weeks THEN get with him. Ok?

Anonymous said...

Glad you got negatives....hope the guy pissing razors does eventually...
Stay safe, baby.

Anonymous said...

For those who don't know, the "razor blade" effect can come from recently having had a swab shoved up your penis so not necessarily from any infection.

Anonymous said...

yay for negativity! gosh have to get around to this it's been a while!