Sunday, March 1, 2009

You are hairy like animal...

I'm supposed to be doing job applications this weekend, so instead, I'm actually doing a million different other things. Eg - my tax return for 05/06 financial year (bad, I know), pulling out weeds in the courtyard, and endlessly surfing the net.

One other thing I decided to do after the gym yesterday was complete body hair removal. Well just my arms and legs anyway.

Now I'm not an overly hairy man. Unlike some other balding men, I don't have copious amounts of body hair. Next to none on my chest, my back is smooth as silk and the legs and arms are lightly covered in blond hair (considering how dark the hair on my head is that's a little bit strange). My lack of body hair suits me down to the ground.

Not my back, thank Christ

I have about 4 or 5 half finished tubes of veet in my bathroom so I liberally applied the stinking lotion to my legs first, making sure I got it evenly applied across them both, then moved into my arms. Then stood there in the bathroom for 6 minutes trying not to pass out from the fumes.

Then the removal process begins... using one of those exfoliating gloves you start rubbing off the dead hair. It's actually quite gross, all the chemically-killed hair follicles slowly going down the drain in a stinking brown mess. But oh, aren't my legs all shiny and smooth and pretty?

But something went slightly awry this time round... the legs were looking great, but the hair on my arms just wasn't going anywhere. I rubbed. I scrubbed. I rubbed again with those purple gloves of mine, and while some brown stuff came away, there was still a lot left on me.
After... I still wish I look like this.

So I jumped in the shower and got rid of all the remnants of the cream and decided that maybe the razor would work on the left over hair. But no, it seems the depilatory cream just retarded the hairs and made them impervious to the blade.

Now one day later I've discovered that the retarded hair is all wiry and shrivelled like its been exposed to heat and is now falling out in little bits in pieces like I'm a dog shedding in summer.

I'm not game to do another round of veet, because it'll burn the shit out of my skin if I apply it so soon, so I'm just putting up with the shedding.



Anonymous said...

Veet is an invention of Satan.
I used those creams once and burnt the living Christ out of my skin, fuck knows what's actually in them.
Next time you're stalling, have a hot bath and a close shave.

Andy Man said...

What's wrong with a bit of body hair? Do you do your legs but leave the groinal bush go wild and free? Or are you totally bare and even get some anal bleaching to set the tone of your starfish to lighter?

The Mutant said...

Personally I find nothing wrong with a bit of hair on a man, after all, thats how they come from factory.

By the way did you ask me if you could use a picture of my boyfriend (the top one)?

simple simon said...

Shit. You must look like a teenage boy with no body hair at all. Be natural. Let it grow. That said - that is one hot torso in that 2nd picture.

Ms Smack said...

One easy way to structure both written job applications and verbal interviews is to apply the 'star'technique.

It's one thing to say how brilliant you are, but another to quote an example of HOW you demonstrated that brilliance.

S - situation
T - task
A - action
R - result.

Follow this theme and get the job.