My world is falling apart. It's not the impending world-wide financial implosion. It's not my lack of balance and grace that has resulted in yet another sprained ankle. Its not even my complete lack of man action over the past 6 weeks.
Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like my supposed TV character crush, Zeke Kinski is about to be killed off in the new series of Neighbours.
It's all very doom and gloom on the show - three main characters have disappeared after a rafting adventure gone wrong. "Lesbian-in-waiting" Bridgette Parker, "Stupid-bitch-enabler" Libby Kennedy (and Zeke's step-sister) and the man who inspired this blog, Mr Zeke Kinksi.
Why Zeke? Why?
Surely Bridgette would have been the better choice to off. She does nothing in the show but get hit by cars and fall pregnant every three weeks. Then there's Libby. The 40-year-old teacher living at home with her parents and her crack addicted son who some how manages to be a teacher despite being an illiterate pole dancer. Why don't the producers kill that skank off instead?
But the real question is why do all these stupid soap characters decide to go on dangerous excursions and potentially life-threatening escapades so close to the end of year? Surely they know the chances of one of them getting killed off are so high that they're better off staying at home and watching DVD's all through November and December? The writers would probably decide to give them food poisoning through a pack of tim tams that some one left out in the sun and tease us for months as to which one will die from acute diarrhoea.
But the usually smart and sensible Zeke ignores the safe and easy choice decides to go on a dangerous rafting ride anyway.
WHY ZEKE? WHY?
How can my blog, nay, my LIFE go on if you don't resurface from the dank waters of the Murray River and continue to be a sullen brooding teen? Who am I going to assign my inappropriate crushes on? Stupid Ringo or dumb-ass Declan? God no. Zeke is the thinker of them all. Where will my teen angst quotient be filled?
I'm sobbing silently at my desk at the very thought of Zeke disappearing from our screens.
But life will prevail. My blogging will continue. I'll just hang on to the hope that Zeke's disemboweled, headless, crocodile ravaged, maggot infested body is found in a beaver damn and Doctor Karl performs life-saving CPR on the boy and he will make a full and speedy recovery in the first half of the next episode so he can continue to wow us with his acting abilities, and emo-angsty-teenager character arcs.
I have come with another blog title just in case, but "Fuck You Libby Kennedy" just doesn't have the same ring to it.