Wednesday, January 14, 2009

No More Zeke?

My world is falling apart. It's not the impending world-wide financial implosion. It's not my lack of balance and grace that has resulted in yet another sprained ankle. Its not even my complete lack of man action over the past 6 weeks.

Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like my supposed TV character crush, Zeke Kinski is about to be killed off in the new series of Neighbours.

It's all very doom and gloom on the show - three main characters have disappeared after a rafting adventure gone wrong. "Lesbian-in-waiting" Bridgette Parker, "Stupid-bitch-enabler" Libby Kennedy (and Zeke's step-sister) and the man who inspired this blog, Mr Zeke Kinksi.

Why Zeke? Why?

Surely Bridgette would have been the better choice to off. She does nothing in the show but get hit by cars and fall pregnant every three weeks. Then there's Libby. The 40-year-old teacher living at home with her parents and her crack addicted son who some how manages to be a teacher despite being an illiterate pole dancer. Why don't the producers kill that skank off instead?

But the real question is why do all these stupid soap characters decide to go on dangerous excursions and potentially life-threatening escapades so close to the end of year? Surely they know the chances of one of them getting killed off are so high that they're better off staying at home and watching DVD's all through November and December? The writers would probably decide to give them food poisoning through a pack of tim tams that some one left out in the sun and tease us for months as to which one will die from acute diarrhoea.

But the usually smart and sensible Zeke ignores the safe and easy choice decides to go on a dangerous rafting ride anyway.


How can my blog, nay, my LIFE go on if you don't resurface from the dank waters of the Murray River and continue to be a sullen brooding teen? Who am I going to assign my inappropriate crushes on? Stupid Ringo or dumb-ass Declan? God no. Zeke is the thinker of them all. Where will my teen angst quotient be filled?

I'm sobbing silently at my desk at the very thought of Zeke disappearing from our screens.

But life will prevail. My blogging will continue. I'll just hang on to the hope that Zeke's disemboweled, headless, crocodile ravaged, maggot infested body is found in a beaver damn and Doctor Karl performs life-saving CPR on the boy and he will make a full and speedy recovery in the first half of the next episode so he can continue to wow us with his acting abilities, and emo-angsty-teenager character arcs.

I have come with another blog title just in case, but "Fuck You Libby Kennedy" just doesn't have the same ring to it.


The Mutant said...

I dunno, F U LibKen works for me, besides - bitch looks like she's seen a cockatoo... Just like you and I really, if y'know what I mean.

It wouldn't be entirely inappropriate to shift your teen-boi crush to Ringworm or Dickland. at least those boys got them some body, and I'm pretty sure I've seen Dickland pilling off his skull at gay nightclubs around Melbourne with his vacant twink army in tow, and a couple of mid-forties, name-dropping star-fuckers for good measure.

It'll be sad to see Zeke leave Ramsay St (in a body bag) though. Poor Roach-el will be the last remaining Kinsky and god only knows she'll be peddling her heroin-chic arse in St. Kilda's less reputable streets before long.

Maybe if Zeke does pull through though someone could be kind enough to hold his head under in the shallows for a while. God knows we've suffered enough.

Yankee Doodle said...

Strangest blog post ever. Strangest comment from a reader ever.

I have never seen this show. I'm sure I never want to.

Andy Man said...

Neighbours is sooooo gay. Now Home & Away is where all the talent lies. Alf stewart gets my all hot is a naughty kind of way.

La Femme said...

Oooooooohhhhhh is that where the blog name comes from?

Josh said...

Give him a few years, they'll bring him back. Maybe.

Anonymous said...

you fucking GAYLORD lol

simple simon said...

I am worried for your mental health. Please go and see a qualified professional. Be it a psychologist, a counsellor or even a fucking prostitute. Do soething to sort out your head.

We all know Home and Away is the best.

Ben said...

Mutant - Declan surely does have a decent body, but his brooding skills are far too poor to be a Zeke replacement. He's too angry.

Yankee - I'm a strange man. The Mutant is even stranger. Wait til you see his penis!

Andy - I thought you'd be an Alf fan. You'd probably do him and Colleen in a 3 way if the oppurtunity arose.

La Femme - you got it. We used to shout at the TV everytime he did something on screen "Damn You Zeke" and shake our fists menancingly.

Josh - well they bought back Harold from the dead. Stranger things have happened.

Tom - you know you just want me more after reading this post. Come one. Admit it.

Simon - H&A can go suck my nuts. I do need som e bum action though.

Anonymous said...

yeah i knda of do heheeheh

Victor said...

I must watch the occasional episode of Neighbours and wise up. I've had no idea who Zeke Kinski was since I started following your blog and just assumed he was some invisible friend from your childhood. (A bit like a comfort blanket!)

Victor said...

Boy, am I stupid. I just noticed the '10' logo on your banner for the first time. It's not as if you didn't provide me with some clues about Zeke.

unique_stephen said...

He could always just move to Perth - is that not where all good actors go to die?

Anonymous said...

out of brigette,zeke or libby i am glad it was zeke that died. he's boring at least libby and brigette are more realistic in what they act. I AM NOT JUST SAYING THAT COZ IM A GIRL but is true all ZEKE does mis mope,whine,do something wrong BORING!!!!!!!!!, where as the dramatic few episodes where either brigette ,rachel or donna were pregnent was fantastic and also i would like to say brigette did a fantastic job in the way she handled the pregnancy so far and how in the start declan didnt care.
where as libby shes a gr8 skool teahcer and as much as i like SAM FRITZGERALD(dans ex), i think that libby and dan were meant 2 b. THIS HAS BEEN MY POINT ABOUT Y ZEKE DESERVED 2 DIE

Anonymous said...

hello who do u think susan is she married Alex and i found this profile about her on the offical neighbours website lol:

Susan Kinski
The heart and soul of Erinsborough, Susan Kinski is the mother everyone wishes they had… only with a wicked sense of humour and the heightened skills of a ninja.

neighbours gal 94 said...

lol brigette rox 4eva

neighbours gal 94 said...

i was Anonymous(x2) msgs above

its tru zeke is a no good character but the only thing was he was kind of sweet when he was dating bree timmonsxxxx neighbours_gal_94

neighbours gal 94 said...


how r u ppl i love brigette, ty, rachel, libby,dan, sam, donna(and her siblings), ringo, izzy, nina, elle(a bit) and callum and mickey!!!!!!!!

neighbours gal 94 said...

bridget will b heaps happy once she gives birth 2 her and decs baby soon!!!!!! she deserves it after all the bad life she has had and with mirabda and steve finding out she wants her biological mother at didges birth, miranda is in destraut and totally jealous when steve wants to make his adopted daughter happy. so will thing b alright 54 da parkers and will bridget find her real mother

neighbours gal 94 said...

she got permission from miranda 2 post a letter to find didges real rents

bye xxxx cat or neighbours gal 94

thats all 4 21/1/09

Ms Smack said...

Whoah mate, your blog has been hit by a serious Neighbour fan!

Hey, I'm starting to think Zeke will magically teleport back. What is your take on the dreams that Karl had? The preview does say 'ONE WILL BE LOST' not, one will DIE, like say, that other summer bay shit.


Ben said...

Victor - I did have an imaginary friend, he's name was George W, and he went on to be the best damn president of the USA ever!

Stephen - they either go to perth, or in the olden days, to Surfers Paradise - I think that's where Scott and Charlene moved to.

Neighbours Gal - thanks for dropping by and leaving all the comments. We don't often get into neighbours chat here, but feel free to come back.

Smack - New readers are always welcome! Any reader is betty than your mate Shelly.

I know some inside goss on the outcome of this "incident" - I think there will be a second coming of Zeke.

Shop2much said...

Only just discovered this blog...

I so can't believe they are killing off zeke! He was almost an interesting character :) I say almost, as it is neighbours... addictive, but still a soap made up of low rent actors! Still I can't help but watch! I may have a problem!

Great Blog!

Ms Smack said...

hahahah @ mate. Uh, no.

I think your neighbours fan ROCKS!

We LOVE Neighbours in our house!