Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm gonna need to swab your mouth son.

I think I'm spending way too much time in front of the box lately. My new place has pay TV and hasn't it opened my eyes to a whole new realm of programming?

So many of my favourites, so many times through out the day, especially the animations. Family Guy and American Dad are killing me (though I am actually getting over the Simpsons. I think I've seen them all way too many times already. Thank you very much Channel Ten).

I'm loving the reality shows on Arena - Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design. I love how most of them are actually pitting professionals against professionals, instead of wanna be try-hards who really have no discernible talents or skills, but their mum said they could have been a model/singer/dancer. Yes I'm looking at you Tyra Banks and your stupid Next Top Model.

But the one thing missing from pay TV is CSI. Not stupid the stupid Miami version (seriously Caruso, fuck off and die), and only sometimes NY, but I love the original Las Vegas version of the show.
Unlike Grissom, I'm not shagging a sexy female co-worker on the sly.
Like Grissom though, I am an arrogant wanker

The original line up of characters was fantastic, it showed some cutting edge visual effects, and really pushed the boundaries of dramatic TV. After so many years on screen it still is one of my favourites. But these days I find myself incorporating way too many aspects of the show into my life.

Sitting at Central Station this morning waiting for a connecting train I noticed a strange man come sauntering down the platform. He was a bit jittery, and really couldn't seem to decide on a place to stand or sit.

When he finally sat down on a seat opposite me I noticed a very sore and inflamed looking laceration around each ankle. Hmmm... has he just escaped from a deranged kidnapper's holding cell where he was securely bound at each ankle with some poly-vinyl rope purchased at Coles and cut with a pair of garden shears and secured in a traditional over-hand fisherman's knot?

Or maybe he was the victim of some kinky bedroom role-playing that got out of hand and after he escaped from his silk leg restraints he beat the crap out of his lover (male or female? We'll find out after the break) and is now running from the law, explaining his jittery state.

My mind was racing. Who was this man? What the hell caused those marks? Where the hell is my train?

But as my train finally arrived and he started screaming about Jesus and the cunts who stole his pills, I guessed he probably just got released from the PA's psych ward and probably needed to get back there ASAP.

I do fear that something will happen to me one day, and for some reason they'll want to shine the "blue light" around my bedroom.

Grissom - "We're gonna need a DNA sample from each of these deposits. Better bring me a couple of hundred swabs."


Victor said...

Foxtel's capacity to churn out repeats makes Channel 10 look like novices.

Ms Smack said...

You are a funny funny guy. Make me laugh every time. I have avoided any type of pay TV because I love it, and therefore, I'd sit for hours and get my money's worth, instead of going out and doing stuff.

I'm very jealous though!

Andy Man said...

Admit it, your were kinda perving on crazy many at the train station and would have done him until he started yelling about jesus.

I'm starting to learn your in's and out's my friend.

simple simon said...

I like that episode where Warwick and Nick have to get naked and end up having sex out in the desert with the nerdy lab guy with weird hair beating off in the bushes.

Oh. That wasn't a real episode?

unique_stephen said...

"seriously Caruso, fuck off and die"

If you don't mind my nailing my colours to your mast, as it were, I would like to come out and join your faction in wishing Caruso fucking dead.

Ben said...

Victor - fully agree with you. 111 Hits is every show I've already seen 5 times over.

Smack - the foxtel is inlcuded in my rent so I haven't even thought about it fI'm getting my money's worth. I am worried that I'm hogging it too much, and that I'll get booted out of the new house.

Andy - sadly yes I was. He had nicely defined calf muscles.

Simon - no that was a real episode. Well one that I paid all the actors to do in a special web cast...

Stephen - I'm actually so mad at David Caruso that I'm think ing of starting a facebook hate group. That'll show him...