WARNING - this post is nothing more than a self-serving rant. Read at your own risk.
Ladies and gentlemen, it has dawned on me that I hate my job. I hate it with such a passion that it scares me.
Now most people do have some degree of distaste for what they do - it's the very nature of our working lives - but I seriously am about to go postal in this place. It's driving me insane.
I am nothing more than a middle management pleb in the public service where all creativity is stifled, arse kissing is de rigueur and poor performance is rewarded with promotion and adoration of management. It is a soul-crushing environment that is suffocating me every minute I spend here.
My working day involves sprouting big words in crappy project proposals to inform Executive Management on cost saving ideas, and then fighting with everyone on the planet to make these ideas a reality.
Kill me now.
I have developed the vocabulary of a seasoned public servant who never really says anything important. Such gems as;"Business Process Review" (guh?), "Cost Benefit Realisation" (zuh?), "Strategic Communication Brief" (blah) and the worst of fucking all "Change Management Ideologies".
Nothing but empty meaningless buzz words designed to disguise the fact that I'm cutting costs across the place.
And don't people love it when I suggest new ways that we can save dollars in their team? It's like I've gone and punched their elderly grandmother right in the cunt. An extract from one manager's response to a proposal;
"Ben is a provocative and offensive operator who is presenting ill-conceived and under-researched solutions for personal glory that will ultimately put my business unit and the future of the entire Institute in jeopardy"
That was back in May and it still makes my blood boil. All because I wanted to reduce the opening hours of a service counter at her campus.
How the hell did I end up here? I always wanted a job that would let me be creative and innovative and generally be proud of what I do. Right now, I have none of that in this place.
So what can I do? Quit, go find a better job? Sure, but after five years in this place all I'm really qualified to do is the same basic job in another department of the public service. Private sector wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.
I could always change direction completely, but I would need to take a pay cut and work my way back up again. I've down that once before (I was a Hotel Manager in a previous life) and I just don't think I have the patience and perseverance to start the climb on the corporate ladder again.
So I guess I just have to suck it up and keep soldiering on. It is a saving grace that I have the flexibility to be able to post through the day. If I didn't have Zeke here to let out some creativity I think I would have killed someone by now.
Now I just need them to block the blogspot url and my life will become completely shiteous.