Thursday, October 9, 2008

I can't come in today - I have lung cancer.

Some people are quite inventive really. Who the hell thought you could boil an egg and eat the stuff inside? What thought processes were involved when some one took a look at the yellow stringy stuff coming out of a worm's bum and decided that it could possibly be spun into a high quality fabric? It's a worm's bum. Why even touch it?

While people do use their creative genius for good more often than not, there are some people who channel the dark side - especially when sick days are involved.

As a former call centre team leader I've heard a lot of feeble excuses for not coming into work. Seriously, no one believes you when you say you've got food poisoning, and I know if you lie down in bed before you call me you will sound very very congested when you tell me you have a bad head cold. I had one guy tell me he couldn't come in because he had to take his girlfriend for an abortion. Way too much info thanks.

One guy in Canberra has taken his evil genius to new highs (or lows depending on your POV) - he faked lung cancer to get out of work.

The Brisbane Times reports that Ben Lyons, a commonwealth public servant had forged several medical certificates and other documents to cover his sick leave. His last attempt was possibly the most cunning - claiming he would be away due to surgery for lung cancer.

His plan came completely undone when his boss went to visit him in hospital;

"Lyons' bosses became suspicious when his director... concerned for her colleague's welfare, went to visit him in Canberra Hospital... When Ms Winter could not find her colleague at Canberra Hospital, she thought she might be at the wrong place and tried several other hospitals but was told none of them had any record of Lyons as a patient."

Fucking bosses that give a damn about the health and well being of their staff ruining everything.

Lyons got off fairly lightly - ordered to repay $3000 in wages, a $900 fine and two-year good-behaviour bond.

I hope he gets over his lung cancer soon.


Anonymous said...

Lol! What a stupid c*nt. Surely he had to do a lot more work to fake all those documents instead of acutally going to work.

Andy Man said...

ha ha ha... how'd you even try to get away with that shit? I feel bad calling in sick at all.

jenny b said...

I get the guilts when I do call in sick and its actually legitmite. I couldn't imagine doing this sort of thing.

the projectivist said...

oh that's hilarious!

and thanks for the tip about laying down in bed to get that "i-have-a-serious-case-of-nasal-congestion" thing happening.