It's no secret - I like my sex. I'm pretty sure everyone on this planet knows that I have no qualms about going out to a club, finding a man, taking him home and spending several hours performing rectal examinations on each other.
It's wholesome fun for everyone involved!
However there have been a few gentlemen recently who have wanted to take things a bit further than just the one night stand. I'm not talking deep and meaningful relationships after just one shag (well I think one certainly did) but they want to date and get to know me and share and learn all about me and all that crap.
In the past this would have thrilled the absolute hell out of me that a man would actually want to pursue me a bit, and perhaps eventually end up as a, gasp, "boyfriend", but lately these guys just aren't doing it for me on all the levels I need. I'm not talking sexually (well one certainly turned me off- he liked me to gouge my finger nails into his nipples as he reached orgasm. If I drew blood he was extra-happy... yeah that doesn't work for me, sorry), but more on the emotional level. There just hasn't been a great connection with anyone recently. And I think that's what I'm really searching for.
So how do I tell these guys that I'm not interested in taking things further? A quick phone call to say, "It's not you, its me"? God no. I simply disappear from the face of the earth. I stop returning their calls and texts. I delete them from MSN, I block them from Gaydar. I just do the total silent treatment, and pretend like they never existed.
I hate it when blokes do it to me, yet I seem to have fallen into the easy habit of just waiting til they get the hint, then going on my merry way and forgetting they ever existed.
That was until Saturday afternoon when I attended the Birsbane Pride Fair in Musgrave Park. Pretty much every time I turned around there was a man that I had slept with and then stopped talking too standing behind me. It was actually quite embarrassing.
On the front gate was "The Nipple Twister", then in the beer tent I saw "baldy back hair" and he was actually talking to "Priscilla Queen of Retail". Over in the queue for the toilets I saw "Bad in Bed" and then when getting some fairy floss I got served by "Hung Bottom Twink".
And I nodded and smiled at every single one of them.
And it got to me thinking... I have very few gay male friends. Well none really. All of these guys that I have ditched could actually have turned out to be mates, yet I simply push them away and try to avoid them. There are a couple of guys who I do talk to, but they really are ex's and there's always an undercurrent of sexual tension (probably just me being horny). It would be nice to develop a couple of friendships with gay guys that isn't based on alcohol consumption or the fact that we have seen each other naked.
But then again, I struggle to make new friends no matter what their gender or sexual orientation. Apparently I can be a tough nut to crack, and people often think I'm aloof and rude, when really I'm just extremely shy and don't know how to react in certain social situations.
I did have a great day though... mostly spent talking to lesbians. For some reason I get along with them really well.