Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Let me point out your flaws in a public forum...

As much as I don't like it, I have to admit I am going bald. Fuck it.

I've always had very high peaks - that comes from my maternal grandfather. He had a very full and bushy head of silver hair up until the day he died. But in the last 3 or so years, it's also started thinning at the front, but remained very thick at the sides - much like my paternal grandfather.

And there's not a god-damn thing I can do about it. I used to try and keep the top a bit longer and brush it forward, but then I admitted to myself that that was a comb over, which is the worst possible thing to do to your hair. So I just decided to shave it all off. And I'm quite happy with that look. In fact, I actually find men with clippered hair extremely hot. Even better... the chrome dome, completely hair free head - hmmmm.

But the thing that really annoys me the most about losing my hair in my early 30's is that people seem to feel its completely appropriate to mention it in passing conversation;

A new manager - "So I see TAFE has made you loose your hair!" with in the first 30 seconds of meeting her. Fuck you bitch.

A teacher - "Oh Ben, I see you've lost as much hair as you have weight. Haha". That was a back handed compliment cunt.

Aunty, over lunch with lots of relatives on Sunday - "You know you can get a prescription to stop any more of your hair falling out." Yes Aunty, I hate you too.

How would these people feel if I countered their funny little quip with something that pointed out one their physical imperfections, over which they have absolutely no control?

New manager - "I see those acne scars aren't hidden very well by your caked on make up." Opps... that would be inappropriate.

Teacher - "Did you happen to forget your deodorant this morning , because you are more whiffy than Oprah's fat folds on a Texas summer afternoon?" No, that would be nasty.

Aunty - "You do realise that your bra is providing inadequate support for your sagging boobs, and they shouldn't be hanging down near your belly button?" I think I would be disowned.

So what gives people? If I said anything about a person's weight/hair colour/wonky eye/crazy man beard/lisp/missing front teeth/giant ears I would get mercilessly attacked for being nasty and cruel, but its OK to pick on the follicly challenged.

The next person who says anything about it is gonna get my foot up their arse.

7 comments:

Andy Man said...

Bruce Willis - bald as, but looks like a busted arse.

BUT - Jason Statham is the hottest man on the planet.

Bald is good - embrace your baldiness Benji

Ben said...

Younger Bruce willis was hot... but I'd let Jason Statham do me anyway he damn well wanted.

cb said...

I think you and your shaved head are quite handsome. And I also think you SHOULD say rude things back to these people.

The Mutant said...

I'm in the same boat as you Ben and I don't think you need to spare the feelings of fools like that. Point out a failing of theirs so they know what its like!

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Is this a pity party to manipulate people into sending you free sun tan lotion?

Ben said...

SOunds like a great idea Shelly... everyone send me some free sun cream, or even better, WIGS!

Yeah... free shit rules.

Tom Gaylord said...

I think you're a SPUNK! Don't mind the haters..............:)