Thursday, August 14, 2008

You call that sport?

I'm not sure if all gay men are anti-sport, but I definitely am. The only thing I like about sport is generally the men are hot (if not dumb as a sack of hammers). So the fact that the Olympics have started leaves me with no other feeling than "meh".

First off, all the good TV stops and we get nothing but re-runs and crap shows that failed miserably the first time round on the non-Olympic channels. I mean channel nine is showing "Til Death" which is one of the most painfully unfunny shows that I have ever seen. It failed during summer, so why show it during the Olympics?

Then the "patriotic" advertising campaigns start. Banks, Tivo, McDonalds, airlines just to name a few are constantly running "proud Aussie" adverts that are designed to make you sense of pride swell and run down and purchase the product. Just fuck off and cut my bank fees instead of wasting your money on these shitty ads.

Then there's the sports themselves. Day one of telecast seemed to be nothing but rowing. The single sculls, the doubles the mixed cox-less pairs. I really fail to see how simply going the fastest in a straight line is a sport. This also goes for the swimming and running (especially the sprints - 10.2 seconds is not a race, it's a fart for some people).

In my mind, a supposed sport needs a few things to qualify for the Olympics - strength and fitness for one. Some of those ladies softballers look rather, um, soft in the middle. And shooting and archery is just standing still and pressing a button at the right time.

Next comes strategy - just going faster than every one else is not a strategy. Look at cycling though, especially the pursuit and the Madison. These guys and girls seem to almost stop at certain points, just to get the edge over their opponent. Sure I don't understand how it works, but there is obviously some thought processes going on with that one.

And finally, artistic ability. Gymnastics and diving are some of the ultimate sports in my mind. Yes the blokes do tend to be the hottest around, but there is something very intriguing about a sport where you need to be able to combine strength with the ability to turn and tumble in a controlled manner and make it look good.

And that's where synchronised diving absolutely blows me away. Diving itself looks bloody hard. How do you spin and tumble and make sure you land just the right way to score maximum points? So in synchronised diving where you have to do all that, but in almost perfect timing with a partner - it's freaking amazing.

So lets cancel every other televised sport and just show the diving for Benji please.

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