I planted a hotdog tree once...

Images of an interesting experiment landed in my inbox today...

A money tree was planted as an "experiment" by a "bank" in the middle of Sydney covered in $5 notes. It took a while but people eventually started plundering it's branches for all the cash they could get;



Interesting the lengths people will go to for a bit of free cash...

I put my togs in my port along with my jandals...

Kiwi ad, but rather witty....



I don't normally go for long-haired men, but that guy does something for me.

Sigh... I need some action.

Head. Going. To. Explode.

Too much "must see TV" to choose from tonight...

The finale of homeMADE....

The hot one won as opposed to the really hot one. That is - Jason Sullivan (below left) wins the series;

When it's clear the hotness that is Darren Palmer (below centre) deserved to win;


Of course I have really no idea what their designs actually looked like, so I'm basing my choices on their looks alone. I'm shallow ike that.

Then we have the finale of Australia's Next Top Model Series 5 - I've never seen any of the previous five series before, but got sucked into. The finale came down to the chick with a mouth that looks like a well fisted arsehole, Cassie;


Versus the classic, curvy, well mannered girl who deserves to win - Tahnee.


Thank Christ Tahnee won. A very nice young lady, though the "Curvy" tag is totally undeserved. She's not anorexic, so that makes her fat obviously in the fashion industry.

Then we have the premier of the latest series of Torchwood. For those of you who have no idea, Torchwood is fucking fantastic spin off from Doctor Who (Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who... clever hey?) and has more fantastic story telling (no time travel bull shit), and with lots of sexual shenanigans... same sex, bi sex, hetero sex. Lots of man on man kissing.

Loves it.

It stars the very lovely John Barrownman (below centre) - an out Scottish man who married his long time lover not too long ago. And he is rather fetching too.

Watch it... yes it's Sci Fi, but fucking watch it.

Then tomorrow its the premiere of the next season of Project Runway - Fashion designers meets reality TV.

Loves it.

There really hasn't been this much good TV in a long time... I don't think I'll be leaving the house anytime soon.

Everybody's doing it...

Is this the latest viral you tube sensation? Probably. Yes I am a sheep for posting it, but it is very clever...



Thanks to the 50 kajillion other blogs who have also posted this vid.

"A tragic waste of time and energy"

Well, well, well - my little stat counter ticked over 10,000 hits last night. Impressive considering the crap that I put up here.

To celebrate, here's a hot man;

Hmmmm, Aussie Bum models.

Lets look at some stats;

• There are 263 published posts, with almost 100 still sitting in draft
• My first post was the 2nd May 2008 - and it was an old post from my Myspace blog.
• "7 countries that end in Y" is the most common keyword search
• Zeke Kinski and all his shirtlessness is also a common reason people pop up on here, as is "Tranny Legs" and "Nun's Panties" (seriously - WTF with the Nuns?)
• I think my first regular commentators were Kezza and Andy.
• I'd turn straight for Ms Smack and Phishez (though I haven't blogged about her yet)
• A porn blog has linked to me in the last month. Strange. (And not you Tom - I don't count your blog as porntacular. You make me laugh too much)
• I have no gag reflex.

The reflective, introspective posts have dropped off in recent weeks, just too damn busy with work, so you'll just have to deal with random videos and strange pictures until I get my arse back into gear.

No asses? Send them over to Crotch Tech!

Such small things amuse my small, alcohol-ravaged brain;

The enrolment system at work abbreviates "non-assessable" to NO ASSES - and prints it on the student's enrolment confirmation.

Spell check on outlook wants to change "Corptech" to CROTCH TECH.

It's cute how your mobile phone predictive text offers you up KISS when you type "lips", but its even funnier that when you press the buttons for "cock", it offers you ANAL as the first option.

Like I said...small things

B1 & B2 can fuck right off...

So I'm still sitting here at work on my first day back. I've got a massive deadline looming and I just have to get this shit done.

The lights above my desk are buzzing madly.

There is no one else left except the woman they fired today (Happy New Year! We have no budget left to pay for your salary for you anymore). I think she might be stealing the stationary but can't be sure.

It doesn't matter, I think I'll be here for a couple of more hours yet.

I'm starving.

I'm so hungry I could easily go down and buy 3 packs of chips and a couple of chocolates out of the vending machine. But I somehow managed to lose a couple of kilos over the last 10 days, so I want to continue the trend and get under 90 kilo's by my birthday. So I'm glad I remembered to pack some healthy snacks before I left today.

I opened up my bag to dig out my healthy snack. And it's a banana. I hate bananas.

Why the hell did I decide that was going to be a great afternoon appetite suppressant? Couldn't I have chucked some rice crackers in there? I'm pretty sure I had some little packets of tiny teddies stashed somewhere for these sort of occasions. But no, Benji had to pick a fucking banana.

And not just any banana. This one is just on the verge of being over ripe. The smell is rank. Kind of like the back room of a old-fashioned grocery store where they stash all the fruit that is no longer suitable to sell. I keep looking about just in case the little fruit flies have found it in my bag. It's squishy in too many places and the skin has far too many dark brown blotches on it to even consider eating it.

But I'm so hungry.

So I peel off the brown-spotted skin to reveal a squishy yellow stringy shape that really needs to be thrown away. But if I don't eat it, I'll just end up getting HJ's on the way home and that would be bad.

I just close my eyes and eat the fucking thing.

Yuck.

But it's gone now. And I'm not so hungry anymore.

I keep buying the stupid yellow things to stick in the fruit bowl, and more often than not, I just chuck the fuckers out. I know they are supposed to be quite good for men losing weight/gaining muscle, but I just hate them so much.

Actually the only thing I hate more than bananas, is banana flavoured products.

Banana paddle pops? Spew. Banana Quick? Chunder. Though I really like banana lollies.

Interesting Benji fact: I once beat two sisters in a banana deep throating contest. After I successfully put most of that thing down my throat (and it wasn't a lady finger thank you very much), one of them looked at me with absolute disgust, the other looked at me with what I think was a mix of pride, jealousy and lust.

That banana was thrown out.

I'm special

I am so damn tired today. I've already had three coffees, but I've got to get another paper written by tomorrow morning and my eyes are just about falling out of my head. So what to do?Go back over to the good cafe and get a jumbo triple shot latte of course - yeah I am that fucking tired. Hopefully that will give me enough caffeine to spin some shit data into a workable brief.

It was rather busy for this time of afternoon - four other people waiting before me, so I positioned myself to watch the coffee maker at work (I never call them baristas, as I am not a wanker).

Anyhow - I noticed that she was making nice little designs on every one's hot frothy beverage - a nice little leaf for you fat lady, here's a special star pattern for you Mr Comb-over, and this one's a zig-zaggy thing I just made up dandruff boy.

So what did I get? A love heart.

Aw... shucks.

I usually find racially based jokes unfunny... but

For the life of me I cannot work out what word has been translated to completely fuck up these signs;


http://engrishfunny.com/

Got stinky flaps?

In the interests of providing an equal and balanced blog, and after providing health and product advice for men in the past, I now present for you the latest high need product for women. RepHresh!



After your period... repHresh?
After intercourse... repHresh.
After douching.. repHresh!

I don't know if this is a major issue for my penis-free readers - and I'm thankful that I'll never be going near another va-jay-jay to learn why the hell this product even exists, but I hope the thought of applying this cream makes you want to do a little dance like the ladies in the ad.

Available where you buy your other weird vadge stuff.

Got stinky balls?

This wins the award for the most unnecessary product of the year. Balla, scented powder for men. But what sort of powder? Ball powder.

Seriously.

According to their website -

"Balla Powder for Men is the ideal anti-chafing and anti-wetness solution for clammy sacks. Guaranteed to prevent the dreaded 'bat wing' syndrome, Balla Powder for Men is lightly scented with a masculine fragrance, for anyone else who plans to work in your close quarters. Can be sprinkled into your fudgies for all-day-long comfort and dryness. A fabulous post-workout treatment, Balla Powder for Men can also be used between your cheeks, as well as on fetid feet and aromatic armpits."

Can't say I've suffered from overly moist balls. Pretty sure Kat has though.

Thanks to towleroad for the best laugh I've had for a while

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Wow. This story from news.com.au is so stupid, its almost unbelievable -

A DESPERATE German woman called emergency services to rescue her after a visiting friend talked for 30 hours straight, authorities said Tuesday.

A police spokesman in the western city of Speyer confirmed reports that the guest rambled on about personal problems and became increasingly intoxicated until the 48-year-old dialled the emergency hotline.

"After an unbelievable 30 hours and failed attempts to encourage the guest to leave last Saturday, the woman did not know what else to do but to call an ambulance," the police said.

When the paramedics refused to carry the guest out of the apartment, the woman called the police, who picked up the friend and drove her home.The spokesman said the guest would face no criminal charges.

Wow...

Speaking of offensive...

I'm on a bit of an offensive streak tonight.

Please do not watch this video if talk of the following will offend your sensibilities;

• Cunts
• People in wheel chairs
• Child molestation
• Bestiality
  
• "Tearing It"

If none of these things offend, I highly recommend watching the entire 8 or so minutes of Mr Jason Rouse. Enjoy!

Daywalker - not a ranga with no freckles

Saturday night. Sitting around the lounge drinking with Bec, Tristan and Katrina. Some how the term "daywalker" comes into conversation. Poor Benji gets laughed at for suggesting it may actually be a vampire that can go out in the sun.

"What a foolish, foolish man" the room chorused. "How ridiculous to think such a thing Ben. You certainly are retarded." Lots of thigh slapping at Ben's expense.

So cunts. From Wikipedia comes this interesting definition;

"A daywalker is a vampire which, for various reasons, is immune to the effects of sunlight and is able to operate during the day.”

What is potentially more ridiculous is Tristan's definition - a red-headed person with no freckles.

Ps - this may not be a true representation of the exact conversation. It may have been dramatised to make me seem less stupid. But I was still right. Cunts.

Sinful little slut...

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Well, I can't say I'm surprised lust is my top. and it's no surprise either that gluttony is there too.

It is a little bit strange that wrath is so low... I always thought I was an angry cranky cunt.

G0 figure!

I'm listed...

Wow. I'm really getting into this self promotion thing.

My little blog thing is now listed on the Wiki Blog Directory.

And is blog number 1773 on the Million Blog List

If you found me via these lists, cheers.

Computer generated fatness

Ah, computers are wonderful. They are useful for finding useful things. Such as new shoes on ebay and porn. Lots and lots of porn.

But they have been very helpful in my weightloss. You know sharing of info via message boards and finding things to keep me motivated.

That's how I came across my virtual model. Plug in your details (height, weight, skin tone, shoulder width etc) and it comes up with a computerised version of your body.

Old fat me at 126.5kg on the left, and apparently the new me at 91kg on the right (I don't have the definition in the stomach or chest like that but it's close).

You can do all sorts of fun things like dress you up, give massive muscly abs etc.