It's Complicated...

So I met a man.

We went on a date.

It was nice, very nice. No bedroom shenanigans. Just a quick peck on the cheek and the promise of another date in the near future.

So three days later we meet for another date. Yes it was fast, but he made all the moves. And once again, very nice. I got boozy on wine and started to get very touchy, so I took him to a gay bar where we made out like teenagers for hours.

He dropped me home, we did something naughty in the car, but no bedroom shenanigans again.

Then the man goes overseas for two weeks. He emails me every day. We share, we learn.

This is looking to be promising.

The man finally returns home, and we meet up as soon as possible, at his insistence.

He certainly knows how to push my buttons.

Date three was spectacular. Nothing more can be said.

Really... could this be going somewhere?

The next morning, he rolls over in bed and comes clean about his ten year relationship that he doesn't plan on ending any time soon.

I still went on the fourth date.

Idiot.

Australia's Got No Talent...

Lets get things straight. Australian Idol shits me to tears. Wannabe singers destroying great songs (and a huge number of shitty songs too) all in an attempt to garner a craptacular record deal that will be absolutely worthless and provide no longevity in the music industry (hello Casey Donovan, medical receptionist).

The fact the Kunty Kyle Sandilands managed to get his sizable arse fired from the show did nothing to excite me this year. It was just bound to be the same shit every Sunday night until the 17 year old Hill Song devotee is announced as winner.... boring.

Then they announced the new judge last night. Mr Jay Dee Springbett;

Wow. The ex-pat pom, R&D man for Sony BMG London is my type of man.

Baldy head? Check!

Nice and tall? Check!

Hot accent? Check!

Penis? Um, hopefully check!

That's all I need really.

He apparently is on the chunkier side of hunky (40 inch waist....meh), and is a dedicated family man (bugger), but I think he is one hot looking guy.

He looks like a shy, non-egotistical gentleman that would buy you breakfast the next day as a thank you for the many, many, many hours of hot man sex where he does horrible, nasty, sexy things to you as he whispers filthy nothings in that hot pommie accent into your ear.

Sigh.

But sadly, even with this hotness filling my TV screen, Idol still just isn't worth watching.

This is surely an afront to God...

Chicken in a can...
Not just chicken, a whole fucking chicken.

I'm having trouble imagining how big the can is that contains said whole chicken, but no matter what the size, this is the most unappetising thing I have seen today.

This is the finished, roasted chook, cooked as per the tin's instructions. It looks like its just crawling in disease;

Go over to I Hate My Message Board to see all the gruesome pics and read the full review.

Then go vomit.

Home Blah...

You all know I love my reality TV, especially when hot men are involved, even more so when they are doing one of my most favourite gay things... interior design.

So I should really love HomeMade on channel nine. Ten interior designers all battling it out to renovate people's homes and change their lives forever....

Blah blah fucking blah.

This show is a load of shit, but it should be great. 5 guys, 5 girls get to redesign some run down homes on a tight time frame with a $50,000 budget. But it is so unbelievably boring. I think it has something to do with them stretching it out over two nights a week - there's just no sense of urgency or pressure, even though the teams are working to tight deadlines.

Its also very obvious they have picked the designers based on the "eye candy" factor. Normally this wouldn't worry me, but with the success of Master Chef on Ten, with its greatly diverse casting, HomeMade just looks shallow in comparison.

Now lets get to the good part... the men.

This one is my favourite... Mr Darren Palmer;

Nicely muscled, nice amount of chest hair and in Sunday night's episode they showed him shaving his own hair without a shirt on. Pity he's straight.

Next is Jason Sullivan;

The publicity shot from the site doesn't do him much justice, so here's a shirtless one;

Damn it being so small, but you get the gist of the hotness going on... Blondes don't usually do it for me, but I'd still say yes.

I missed Tuesday's elimination episode... and I really couldn't care less. One of the skanky no talent whore women went home anyway. I hope the next challenge is at a nudist colony or something... that would really make it a much more interesting show.

Worst. Kiss. Ever.

So we were supposed to meet at 9:00 at the Wickham but he didn't show. I wait til 9:30, which was 30 minutes longer than I should have.

I get home and 11:30 he calls me "I got stuck at work, sorry" - but he sounds trashed. "I really want to meet you though".

Hmmm... his profile pics were very very hot, and it might be fun.

So I get back in the car and go and meet him. He's profile pictures did him no justice at all. Tall, dark and handsome is really an insult to him. He was so fucking hot.

And he could hardly stand up.

He was all over me, but kept telling me how his ex was bad in bed, and how he had fucked the bar guy last weekend, and how he's sick of guys perving on him in the looker room at the gym.

Yawn.

It was late, I was getting bored. This was not worth the drive back in.

Then he leans in for a kiss. Ok, maybe this was worth the drive back in. Kissing this hot Adonis of a man... this will be great.

Oh wait. Its not.

It was like his tongue got an erection and he was trying to fuck my mouth with it.

Worst. Kiss. Ever.

I said I had to go to the toilet, and just went home.

You are going to be very popular in the prison showers...

Tattoo's can look fantastic. Sadly, most look like shit. Remember tampon tatt? Well I think this one is even worse;
A Pegasus fucking a unicorn smoking a joint in front of a gay rainbow?

Completely fucked up.

(Thanks to Joe.My.God for the image)

Why God? Why?

There are many, many reasons why you would want to get a tattoo of something as heinous as this. Alcohol. Drugs. Just completely fucked in the head. None of them are acceptable reasons by the way.

Who knows what this person's motivation was, but do you think they might be regretting it just a little bit now?

Check out Horrible Tattoos for more crappy tatt's.

He's just that into you... because you're a big sloppy man whore

Things were very quiet on the dating front (or mindless, drunken sex front depending on the night) for Benji over X-mas and the new year period, but over the last few weeks my romantic leanings have been getting an airing again.

But, sadly, every man I meet this year seems to be jerking me around.

First there was Mr Mercedes Convertible - he's the guy who dated my house mate's friend, but we worked out that I had hooked up another ex of his last year. Confusing? Yes -but it's explained (badly) here.

So Mr Mercedes Convertible does, in fact, drive that sort of car. Nice. He also has fantastic taste in just about everything - nicely decorated house, nice clothes, nice wine choices, and he took me out to a fantastic restaurant.

We met on-line, and as such spent several nights chatting via MSN, then moved onto SMS and finally an actual telephone chat. Conversation flowed freely. We laughed about the multiple connections we had, but also laughed about a lot of other things as well. A date was set for Thursday night.

That's when I got to see the house, the car and when he took me out for the best pizza and steak I've ever had. It was a fantastic date, so I stayed the night.

And then that was the end of it. He stopped returning my calls, stopped responding to my texts. Three days later I got the "Thanks, but no thanks" text. I wasn't even worthy of a telephone call. Apparently, he was having issues with the fact that I shagged his ex, and he wasn't really looking for a relationship right now.... blah blah blah.

OK. Thanks. Message received loud and clear. See ya.

But this is the year of Positive Benji. I'm not going to let one guy get me down.

So onto Mr Footy Shorts. Once again, met him online. Well, really he tracked me down after we had had a massive pash on the dance floor at The Beat one night last year. Can't say I really remembered him, but we chatted on line, moved to SMS, then the phone calls.

When the night came for us to meet, her came to pick me up wearing footy shorts and a singlet. Not really a great outfit for a date, but looked so fucking hot. So hot, that we didn't make it out at all.

Things went a little bit better after that first date - texts continued to come my way, he even called most afternoons for the following week. Then when he didn't call me back one day when he said he would, I just assumed this was going down the same track as Mr Merc.

So for a whole week, nothing at all. Until last night when he calls and says he wants to cook for me and we'll watch a movie at his place.

I said yes in a second, and once again he picked me up in the footy shorts and we had a really nice night.

So this afternoon, I texted him to say thanks (Mum taught me to be polite) and told him that I'd like to see more of him. Of course - nothing.

Why am I not surprised? It just follows suite from every other fucking man on the planet. But this is really effecting my mood today. I went to the gym but couldn't concentrate, so came home and ate a shit load of food. Typical Benji response to emotional turmoil.

I feel like a total fucking loser - not for putting the feelings out there, but for letting it get me down like this. This is type of response is not a new thing for me. Men are jerks, but how many times did I go through this bullshit last year, and how many times this year?

But I've been a jerk, in the past too - I've not returned emails and texts, so maybe its just karma getting me back.

Maybe my man slut ways of last year have now established a reputation for me in the Brisbane gay scene. Maybe the word out on the town is that Ben is a good root, but you wouldn't more than one date.

It's probably just because Jesus hates me.

He's my favourite fictional character...

I used to have a mild celebrity crush on Justin Timberlake. It all started with the film clip to the horrendous *Nsync song "Pop".

It was the first time I saw him with his hair clippered (instead of his horrible pube curls). He did lots of moves where he raised his nicely muscled (yet not bulky) arms up above his head and did some fairly sexy straight-to-camera looks.

So much hotter with a shaved head, yes?

It became one of the regular songs on rotation on the jukebox in the bar I managed, just so I could imagine JT doing things to me with those milky white toned arms... sigh.

Then there was the film clip to "Like I love You" with that little spoken word bit. It fairly made me swoon.

But fascination can be fleeting, and now I think Mr Timberlake is nothing more than a celebrity shagging, song-collaboration-ruining fool. He's not done anything specific to piss me off. I'm just over him.

And then there was Karmichael Hunt. The man is lean and hot in all the right places. And he looks great in his footy shorts.

Hmmm... thighs.

I actually bumped into him one day over at the Bronco's (seeing as its just across the street from one of our Campuses and I do tend to spend a bit of time in there avoiding work) and he was friendly and polite enough to smile and say hello. That put him up even higher in the hotness stakes for me.

But over the last couple of years the fascination has wained. He seems to sport a perpetual 5 day growth these days (3 days is fine, but 5 is just too much) and then there was the whole Alhambra toilet scandal with the other two Bronco's which didn't win him any new fans at all, and kinda lost me.


Hugh Jackman is another one that is falling out of favour. I've drooled over him in the past, as he does have a very fine "grown up" body going on. He's got some great muscle tone (hmmm pectorals), the right amount of definition in the abs (including the Adonis belt) and he has body hair (unlike some of the pretty boys at my gym). He's a real manly man.

But during the unrelenting, mind numbing, IQ reducing, mutual wank fest that was the media promotion for Australia he really started to shit me to tears. On Oprah all he seemed to do was slap his thighs at any unfunny joke and cackle like my mother after a bottle of wine. Then there was the German TV incident where stupid N Kidman tried to play the didgeridoo.


Is that supposed to be a traditional Aboriginal dance Hugh? Well it's not. So sit the fuck down and stop acting like a fucking wanker.

There is still time for Mr Jackman to redeem himself. Just divorce your wife Hugh and come shack up with me. It'll make up for all your past indiscretions.

Honestly.

Next time just punch me in the face repeatedly... it's got to be less painful

So I'm in the middle of moving house. I hate moving house so much.

I've put three holes in the wall at the new place already. Thank Christ my new house mate is really nice and he has fixed them for me already.

I just spent 5 hours at the old place fixing holes in the wall there, but had a shit-house time trying to match paint.  

There is a shit load of cleaning to do at the old place still, and I'm up for a really intense three days at work.

So I'm tired, cranky, ready to kill everyone. A perfect x-mas mood really.

Saving grace.... I have done ALL my present shopping! Yay for being organised for once.

Now back to unpacking...

Nothing says sexy like 29 stuffed toys and a naked, hairy man...

Warning - this post maybe slightly NSFW (but the naughtier bits are a bit further down), and contains more than enough gay bits to scare off the straights. OK, its probably totally not safe for work.

I've found a funky little site that's updated daily called "It's Lovely, I'll Take It" which showcases some of the horrible pictures that people put up on line that they think will make their homes much more sellable.

Example 1;

Wow, your house has a great big garage, but does the stripped cop car come with it too? How about you sweep the driveway and remove the shit from the garden before you take a shot?

Or how abouts example number 2?
Toppled chairs, a book case, curtains and a door. It has everything I need!

There are heaps more shonky real estate pics over on the site, so go take a look.

So it was with great delight that I found a site that operates on a very similar premise, but involves gay men, their craptacular decorating tastes and nudity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the totally NSFW Lurid Digs. A site that showcases some of the horrible pictures that people put up on line of themselves that they think will make them so much more doable.

Example 1;

They were looking at me. With their eyes (and yes there are 29 of them. That's wrong on so many levels).

Example 2;
Don't you just want to take a shower after looking at this? Who knows what you'll catch if you kneel down on that floor.

And example the third;

He's really quite cute. But what's the deal with the strange assortment of candles? A bear, a clown, and a trippy castle doesn't equal hot stud really. And would it hurt you to make the bed?

Surely these gays could have looked around the room and thought "hmmm... maybe people will think my collection of smurf memorabilia, dirty plates and the dog spew stain on the floor makes me a dud root. Better clean up a bit first!"?

It's apparently the gay way to post a picture of your gay penis when setting up a gay account on a gay dating site. Don't ask me why, but it seems if you haven't got a digital shot of your tumescent todger, it must mean it's a) very tiny, or b) actually a vagina.

I'm happy however, to announce that my meat and two veg is not on display for the gays on gaydar. That explains why I get very few hits on that site, and that doesn't worry me at all.

Now... we just need to get more shots of Kezza's peen on line and we'll all be happy! Well I will be, and that's all that matters.

All I need is shoulder pads and a mullet

I'm the first to admit I'm a bit fussy with my music. If I don't like your choice of song, I'll gladly let you know that it makes me want to vomit.

So it was some shock that I learnt the radio station had been changed in my office while I had been working out of different campuses all last week. My favourite Nova was replaced with Triple M.

How very dare you!

But seeing as my boss had chosen the station and I'm trying to get another contract extension, I thought I'd give it a try. So these are the last 10 songs I have had to endure;

1. Ice House - Electric Blue
2. Pete Murray - some boring whiny crap that he released years ago
3. AC/DC - the new heap of shit that happens to sound like every other song they've ever released
4. The Knack - My Sharrona
5. Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax
6. Nickleback - The paddle pop lion spewing up some tripe again
7. Rod Stewart - Maggie
8. Cold Chisel - Kae Sahn
9. Katy Perry - Hot and Cold
10. Diesel - Crying Shame

That, ladies and gentleman, is the play list from a typical bogan wedding. They've chucked in Katy Perry to seem cutting edge, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood? Don't they realise it's a gay anthem and as such doesn't suit their demographic at all?

The damn DJ's are caught in a time warp too. All deep-voiced men that are probably sporting really bad moustaches, but have never heard of Movember, and waiting to announce an non-stop block of 80's rock.

Fuck the contract - as soon as the boss goes to lunch, I'm changing station.

Sound financial decisions in these tough economic times

So who's feeling the pinch of the economic crisis? Are you worried about losing your job if the economy tanks? Are the interest rate cuts too little too late and you are already sleeping in a caravan on your sister's front lawn, with a pee bucket by the door because she won't let you in the house after she's gone to bed?

Well Foxtel have a solution for you... get Pay TV!

I'm sure you've seen the ads where the crotchety old mother tells her daughter that she's gonna have to be more careful with her money because of the economy, but the daughter says "It's OK - we got Foxtel!!!!!"

"It lets us record all our favourite shows and we'll save heaps of money on going out! It'll bring the family together! And it's free!"

Hmmm... there are so many things wrong with that quote;

"Lets us record our favourite shows..." -If you mean sitcoms such as Will and Grace, or the Simpsons or any other 90's sitcom most of which are available on Free to Air TV, or available in cheap as chips DVD's from JB Hi Fi.

"It'll bring the family together..." - sure, your pudgy, lazy arse kids are gonna be much more family orientated as they sit on the lounge not talking to you as they watch crap TV repeats.

"We'll save heaps of money on going out" - so you want your children to be hermit-like shut-ins who rarely venture outside and will have limited social skills and as such will be shunned by their peers in their depressing future?

"And it's free" - well they are giving you 12 months of Foxtel IQ for free, and that's usually $100 a month, so that is a good deal, but they fail to mention that you need to still sign up for a subscription to Foxtel, which from memory starts around $95 a month.

So your family will get fatter as they will be sitting on their arse all day, your kids won't talk to you because TV is more important, but then again they won't be talking to anyone due to inept social skills, and you'll still be short $100 a month for your mortgage.

Sounds like a wise investment. Wise investment indeed.

My eyes! My Eyes!

I hate hype. It annoys the absolute crap out of me.

I hate so-called journalists who have made a career out of gushing over some jet-lagged celebrity who obviously doesn't want to be in the same room as you, let alone hear how much you loved their last project.

I hate how movie trailers and "behind-the-scenes" specials have become some how news worthy and need to be shown on every single news program, current affairs show and talk/variety/advertorial show in the weeks up to the actual film gets released.

I hate how the fact that some fool can spend 70 kabillion dollars on a movie and it's automatically deemed a hit, with talk of Oscar nominations for actors before anyone has even seen it.

I hate when stars, directors and various hangers on appear on talk shows and are all bestest buddies and tell us all how much fun they had making the 80 kajillion-billion dollar crap fest and they will declare their undying love for each other, yet probably will never speak again. Ever.

And that ladies and gentlemen, that is why I hate "Australia", Baz Lurhmann's new epic wank fest.

Of course I haven't seen this 2 hour, 45 minute stink fest, but I can tell you now it will be the biggest pile of maggot infested dog shit that has ever been released.

As far as I can tell this move will contain the following;

Every horse riding scene out of "The Man From Snowy River".

Every dodgy accent from "Far and Away".

Every exploding building and low-flying, bomb dropping plane in a war type scene from "Pearl Harbour".

Every single intelligence-insulting, wince-inducing, coloquialised Australian slang term ever created. Crikey!

All covered with enough of Baz Lurhmann's so-called "visual magic" to make you vomit it till you bleed.

But the worst part about the while thing is bound to be Nicole Kidman's face;

That just ain't right.

I'm sure "Australia" will rake in the dollars at the box-office, especially in the USA, and that can't be a bad thing for our movie industry. But I hope to hell that most Australians who do see it will leave the cinema feeling that it was hyped just a little too much, and that the new James Bond would have been a better choice.

It opens today. You are dead to me forever if you go see it.

I'll take the incapacitating foot pain please...

Crocs are a fine choice of footwear when, um. Ah. Lets see, when you need to, hmmm...

No, fuck it - Crocs are never to be worn EVER.

Even if it means walking across the most prickle-filled back yard in the history of back yards, you should never ever put these abominations on your feet.

Case in point;


What a load of shit.

(Thanks to D Listed for the pic)

Sheer and sexy...

Fashion trends offend me. Simple really. They make me want to stab my eyes out. Like the supposed City Short phenomenon that supposed to be on our streets right about now - I'm sure Brisbane men would be beaten to a pulp at the train station if they went out dress like that.

And now to get you beaten up for sure, we have "Mantyhose". Yes that's right pantyhose for men. Take a look;

That is just G-A-Y. I don't know what sane man would go out in public actually wearing anything like that (though I do like the pattern on the first pic).

Do you want to look like a 80's throw back - a la Adam Ant? Do you want to look like your 80 year old grandfather who's just had surgery and needs support hose to prevent clotting? Do you like the feel of sheer ladies' hosiery against your skin but just aren't satisfied with the overly feminine colours and patterns? Then head over to E-Mancipate to view their catalogue and buy yourself a few pairs.

Or just go there for a laugh like I did.

Multiculturalism at it's finest

There have been two major overseas incidents in the last week that have shaken our civilised society to its very foundations. Well that's a bit of hyperbole really, but there seems to be a massive increase in traffic to this little blog from two separate nations from two different types of search queries.

1. Countries that End in Y - there must be a big trivia competition happening in the US because there seems to be a million Yanks popping in wanting an answer to that question. I'm happy to help put any trivia tragics, so go here to find the answer you're looking for.

2. Zeke Kinski Nude/Porn/Penis/Gay- this one is very concerning. I'm putting the visits down to the possibility that they have just shown the episode of Neighbours where Zeke is forced to do a nudey run, but come on guys. Thinking you are going to find any real images of him or actor Matthew Werkmeister in compromising positions to satisfy your filthy fetish is just plain sick. Zeke is 15 years old for fuck sake.

Word to the wise fellas - I may write about some horrible filthy escapades, but you won't find any of that shit on here.

I can't come in today - I have lung cancer.

Some people are quite inventive really. Who the hell thought you could boil an egg and eat the stuff inside? What thought processes were involved when some one took a look at the yellow stringy stuff coming out of a worm's bum and decided that it could possibly be spun into a high quality fabric? It's a worm's bum. Why even touch it?

While people do use their creative genius for good more often than not, there are some people who channel the dark side - especially when sick days are involved.

As a former call centre team leader I've heard a lot of feeble excuses for not coming into work. Seriously, no one believes you when you say you've got food poisoning, and I know if you lie down in bed before you call me you will sound very very congested when you tell me you have a bad head cold. I had one guy tell me he couldn't come in because he had to take his girlfriend for an abortion. Way too much info thanks.

One guy in Canberra has taken his evil genius to new highs (or lows depending on your POV) - he faked lung cancer to get out of work.

The Brisbane Times reports that Ben Lyons, a commonwealth public servant had forged several medical certificates and other documents to cover his sick leave. His last attempt was possibly the most cunning - claiming he would be away due to surgery for lung cancer.

His plan came completely undone when his boss went to visit him in hospital;

"Lyons' bosses became suspicious when his director... concerned for her colleague's welfare, went to visit him in Canberra Hospital... When Ms Winter could not find her colleague at Canberra Hospital, she thought she might be at the wrong place and tried several other hospitals but was told none of them had any record of Lyons as a patient."

Fucking bosses that give a damn about the health and well being of their staff ruining everything.

Lyons got off fairly lightly - ordered to repay $3000 in wages, a $900 fine and two-year good-behaviour bond.

I hope he gets over his lung cancer soon.

Joe Six Pack and friends...

I've resisted the urge to do a post about the US presidential election for so long now, but stupid Sarah Palin is just giving me too much ammunition to ignore.


I'm really beginning to think the woman is retarded. I'm not sure that she ever actually said "I can see Russia from my house", but she is using Alaska's proximity to the former Soviet Union as her qualification for US foreign policy. That's kinda like me saying that since I've seen a couple of vadge's, so I'm now qualified to be your gynaecologist.

In an interview with Katie Couric, she was asked what news publications she reads to keep abreast of all the current events. "All of them." Hmmm... concise answer there Sarah, but not what Katie wanted. When pressed for specific details she responded with "You know, generally, all of them." This woman was a journalism major at college, so for her not to be able to name a single news paper is pretty damn scary. I'd almost expect her to say "The Bible" is her only source of news.

She is very vocal about being anti-abortion (it should be illegal in all cases except death for the mother, she says), and doesn't believe in sex education being taught in schools (well she thinks kids she be taught abstinence but not how to use contraception) - so that's probably how her 16 year old daughter ended up pregnant and unwed. She probably just telling the girl to pray for a miscarriage.

Some other scary points - lifetime member of the NRA, supports the teaching of "Creationism" in schools, against gay marriage and gay partner benefits, disagrees with listing the polar bear and beluga whale as endangered species and thinks man has nothing to do with Global warming.

I think she is taking the conservative point of view to the extreme.

I know everyone is entitled to their own political beliefs, but it's a fucking scary thought that this woman has a 50-50 chance of being the under study to the president of the USA. Very scary.

And the final nail in the coffin for me against Palin? While she was mayor of the Alaskan town of Wasilla, it was her policy that rape victims were charged for their rape kits (between $300 and $1200). Hmmm... that's not going to discourage women from coming forward to report the crime is it? That is a disgusting policy.

The only good thing about Palin in the race for Vice President is that it's giving the fantastic Tina Fey so much comedy gold

The resemblence is uncanny, and Fey has got the accent down pat. Watch some of the SNL videos over at Gay Sky Hooker

I love you Tina. I'd go straight for you Tina.

Seriously.

They should play in the buff...

It's well known that I have an aversion to sport. Don't play it, don't watch it, don't care for it at all. So I am glad to see the back end of the NRL for another season - especially this season.

One of the things that shits me the most is the TV coverage. Chanel Nine has had the NRL for ever, but the crap they go on with is insufferable. The footy show is 90 minutes of pure pain. I'd prefer to have another root canal without anesthetic than watch that bull shit. Men in dresses was funny when Monty Python did it about 30 years ago, but now it just looks homophobic and sad. Get a new joke morons.

Paul Vautin is a cock head of monumental proportions. Have you noticed that when he thinks he's said or done something clever he has a stupid little smirk on his face and does a little head shake. Do you have early stages Parkinson's disease fuck wit? Well, stop it.

And I refuse to refer to him by his nick name - you are 50 years old man. Stop going by the name given to you because you were a fat little cunt at school.

So with this cock head and the rest of the cunts on the Footy Show also heading up the commentary for the games with the addition of Ray Warren, I have to refrain from flinging poo at the TV. The biased commentary, the boring analogies about shit no one cares about, the continual questioning and bagging out of the refereee's calls. THEY JUST MAKE ME SO ANGRY.

And how many "scandals" were there this year? Greg Bird got arrested outside the Uber in Brisbane (BTW - the best cocktails on the planet), Sione Faumuina chucked a glass at mirror in the same bar not too many months later. Then there was the decided lack of action taken against the Bronco's and all their alleged piss head shenanigans the week before they got knocked out of the finals.

Seriously, how did the three guys in the centre of this get on the field the following weekend? Oh that's right, the club was more concerned about staying in the series then actually disiplining a trio of drunk blokes for dangerous and anti-social behaviour that bought the reputation of their club, their sport and their town into disrupte. If they were out of the finals those tools would have been fired on the spot.

Then there's the grand final: a 40 - nil score line is a freaking joke. Seriously, I reckon my Grandmother's Bowls team could score better than that in a first grade grand final. That's why I took a dog for a walk during the whole mess.

But I do have a solution for next year. They need to clone the hotness is that is Mr Cooper Cronk, and fill every team with his hot hot clones. And play in the nude.



Nudity - that's my answer to everything lately.