Where's the big screen version of "Go Dog Go!"?

Movie adaptations of books are generally shite. Like, um, that one that sucked. Well pretty much any Stephen King movie (with the exception of The Green Mile) and apparently the Da Vinci Code sucked balls compared to the book (but I haven't read it).

So when I read they were making a movie out of the ki'ds book "Where the Wild Things Are" I was completely under-whelmed at the prospect of it. I never liked the book as a kid, and Hollywood has a poor track record with turning kids books into good film (anyone remember the god-awful the Cat in the Hat?).

But after watching the preview, I totally want to see it.

'Where The Wild Things Are' Theatrical Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

Completely reminds me of the Labyrinth, without David Bowie's giant penis showing through his tights to distract me from the puppets.

You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal.

Sad news that legendary 80's director John Hughes has died at age 59 over the weekend.

The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Uncle buck are some of my faves of his. But for out-of-control teen hormone driven hilarity, Weird Science ranks in my top ten movies of all time.

Enjoy this great montage of all of his work;

He's come a long way from THAT toilet scene

Fantastic news... Britt film maker/director extraordinaire, Danny Boyle has picked up the Best Director and Best Picture Oscars for Slumdog Millionaire. Well done Mr Boyle.



What a fantastic effort form the man who gave us this toilet scene...



He's certainly come a long long way. I have loved everything he has done (28 Days Later is the best zombie movie ever)

Who's seen Slumdog? I'm yet to get there... but it's a must see now.

My eyes! My Eyes!

I hate hype. It annoys the absolute crap out of me.

I hate so-called journalists who have made a career out of gushing over some jet-lagged celebrity who obviously doesn't want to be in the same room as you, let alone hear how much you loved their last project.

I hate how movie trailers and "behind-the-scenes" specials have become some how news worthy and need to be shown on every single news program, current affairs show and talk/variety/advertorial show in the weeks up to the actual film gets released.

I hate how the fact that some fool can spend 70 kabillion dollars on a movie and it's automatically deemed a hit, with talk of Oscar nominations for actors before anyone has even seen it.

I hate when stars, directors and various hangers on appear on talk shows and are all bestest buddies and tell us all how much fun they had making the 80 kajillion-billion dollar crap fest and they will declare their undying love for each other, yet probably will never speak again. Ever.

And that ladies and gentlemen, that is why I hate "Australia", Baz Lurhmann's new epic wank fest.

Of course I haven't seen this 2 hour, 45 minute stink fest, but I can tell you now it will be the biggest pile of maggot infested dog shit that has ever been released.

As far as I can tell this move will contain the following;

Every horse riding scene out of "The Man From Snowy River".

Every dodgy accent from "Far and Away".

Every exploding building and low-flying, bomb dropping plane in a war type scene from "Pearl Harbour".

Every single intelligence-insulting, wince-inducing, coloquialised Australian slang term ever created. Crikey!

All covered with enough of Baz Lurhmann's so-called "visual magic" to make you vomit it till you bleed.

But the worst part about the while thing is bound to be Nicole Kidman's face;

That just ain't right.

I'm sure "Australia" will rake in the dollars at the box-office, especially in the USA, and that can't be a bad thing for our movie industry. But I hope to hell that most Australians who do see it will leave the cinema feeling that it was hyped just a little too much, and that the new James Bond would have been a better choice.

It opens today. You are dead to me forever if you go see it.

If you keep picking at it, it'll get infected

I remember going camping every year at Christmas as a kid. It used to really shit me to tears. Sleeping on those crappy canvas bunks beds, where one twitch from my brother or sister would make the whole thing rock. Drinking crappy UHT milk that tasted like it had been filtered through dad's sweaty work socks. Showering in the disgusting shower block where I'm sure you were stepping in puddles that weren't warm water fresh out of the shower nozzle.

I think it was obvious to everyone back then, that I was not comfortable unless I had the finer things in life including carpet and an ensuite.

But the worst thing about camping was that I would attract all the mosquitoes and sand flies, and as such would get bitten a million times on the first night. And being a rather impulsive person with little self control, I would scratch the hell out of those bites.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Bleed, bleed, bleed.
Scratch, scratch scratch.

Then some wise-arse adult would pipe up on the second or third day and say "If you keep picking at those scabs boy, they'll get all infected." Well duh. Thanks for your input. Let me just keep scratching them to prove that I don't really care what you have to say about anything.

But sure enough, usually by day four, infection became my friend.

I'd end up in the local GP/small town hospital emergency room/ambulance station with some rather festy, pus-riddled open sores on my legs with the infection steadily creeping through my blood stream.

Depending on the extent of the infection, I would either get a topical cream to apply, or a couple of antibiotic shots to the arse cheek, and then banned from swimming until the sores would heal over.

Not a fun way to spend your summer holiday.

So, with all this in mind I shuddered at the news that they will be releasing a sequel to Donnie Darko in 2009, simply entitled "S. Darko". Something about being set 7 years after the first, based around his little sister going on a road trip and then a mind trip.

What ever.

"What the fuck has this got to do with infections?" I hear you all screaming at me.

Donnie Darko is the mosquito bite - annoying, quite painful to watch, but strangely addictive and you just had to sit through it and scratch away until you worked out what the hell was going on. But you just managed to stop scratching at the right moment, before you got infected.

But with S. Darko, the studio executives will rip the still moist scab off your weeping bites and force you to scratch even harder, because they are just going to turn up the crazy in monumental proportions just to try and keep up with the utter insanity of the first one, but you just know its not going to make any sense at all (kind of like this post), so its just going to come off as a completely and utterly unwatchable load of shit that all the Donnie Darko purists will absolutely hate but have to keep scratching just to find the hidden meaning and thus cause a massive infection that causes you to turn to drugs to ease the pain and inflammation.

So watching crap movie sequels = infected mosquito bites and needles in the arse.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Kill me now...

I have steadfastly refused to see the Sex and the City movie until now, but the man wants to see it, so I will probably end up watching it with him on DVD or something... sometimes you have to give a little.

But the one thing I will not see is Mamma Mia. Never ever ever will I watch that heap of crap. Old hags singing Abba songs in the Greek Isles does not make a movie. And I hate Pierce Brosnan. He is a complete wanker.

So imagine my chagrin when lying on the couch with the man, when an advertisement came on for a new version of the movie. "A new version?" I asked, "surely it's not a director's cut or something already?". No people, it's worse. Much much worse.

It's a "sing along" version. Basically they super-impose all the lyrics to the songs up on the screen so all the old bats and poofs that have gone to see it can burst into song and join in with the utter crapulence.

It's Abba for fuck's sake. Get a life.

Seriously, I'd rather go watch a Wil Anderson stand up gig then watch that movie with morons in the crowd singing along.

RIP - Bernie Mac

Very sad news this morning. Comedian Bernie Mac has reportedly passed away.

TV Tonight reports that Mac passed away after a week-long battle with phenomena. He disclosed a few years ago that he suffered from sarcoidosis, a rare autoimmune disease that causes inflammation in tissue, most often in the lungs.

I always thought that Mac was a great replacement for Bill Murray in the sequel to Charlie's Angels - his comedic talent really shone through in what was a fairly crappy movie.

Mac was only 50 years old.

Sex and the Shitty...

I think I must be one of a very few gay men who has thus far refused to go and see the Sex and the City movie. I just do not care for a bunch of old hags running around talking about their vadges and getting peens put up said vadges (that's what the TV show was about, yah?).

So I absolutely loved this piss-take blog post from a chick called Audrey I randomly found on the inter-web.

Here are the first couple of acts - (there are 8 in total, but definitely worth the read)

SEX AND THE CITY
A morality tale, in eight acts.
SPOILER ALERT! ENTIRE PLOT LIES AHEAD!

ACT ONE:
Carrie: I live with Big now. We are in love. I finally snared my man, which is the entire purpose of life obvs. Also, despite being 40 it appears I still haven't learnt to dress my age.

Miranda: I still live in Brooklyn. I hate my life. Sometimes I hate Steve, my husband but he redeems himself by doing cute things like pointing out the cappuccino froth on my nose. Isn't married life funny?

Charlotte: To be honest, I don't even know why they brought me back into this film. Did I even read the script? It appears not. Not unless my character is actually SUPPOSED to be a squealing banshee with no discernible interests or purpose. Was I always like that? Probably.

Samantha: I live in Hollywood. With my lover, Smith Jerrod. I'm his manager now. We live in a really fucking ugly house on the beach. He has aged about 150 years since the series ended. Unfortunately, he still cannot act.

ACT TWO:
Carrie: Big and I are getting married! I made him propose when he bought me a beautiful penthouse. I asserted my independence by deciding to sell the beautiful apartment I impossibly rented for a number of years despite being only a measly columnist in a two bit local rag. Life's funny that way. Gee, I wonder if this will all blow up in my face?

Miranda: Fucking Steve fucking cheated on me and I can't forgive him, even though I'm a total bitch in the bedroom and make it feel like a transaction. A half yearly transaction. Also, I'm STILL complaining about living in Brooklyn. I have to leave Steve and live in the Ukranian part of town. Guess what? None of my friends care about my torment. What a surprise. I bet they'd care if I was Carrie.

Charlotte: Life is still pretty good for me. Hey, don't talk about sex in front of the kid! Let's call it 'colouring'. By injecting humour into this scene, we can pretend I'm still important to the storyline. Also, SQUEEEAAAAALLL!!!! Samantha's here! Again! For the 50 billionth time in the last five minutes! IT IS SO MUCH A SURPRISE THAT I HAVE TO SQUEAL AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!

Samantha: Fuck's sake, do you have to squeal ALL the time Charlotte? We know you're the princess of the series, but sheesh. Anyway, I hate my life in Hollywood and there's a hot naked guy who fucks all these different girls every night of the week. Meanwhile, sex with Smith Jerrod has become a bit vanilla. Since we all know there's nothing more to my character than being a massive horndog, this is probably going to be an issue somewhere in the next five million hours 2 hours left in this film. Why did I agree to do this? I hate SJP.

Steve: Miranda, don't leave me! I love you!

Miranda: I hate you. Fuck off. Big, don't marry Carrie! Me telling you that can in no way lead to what will dominate the rest of this film.

Carrie: I am the greatest! ME! ME! ME!

Charlotte: Squeal!

Samantha: How much longer til this film is over?

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Read the whole thing here... it's funny!