The autopsy of a one night stand...

I have just finished watching "Weekend" which if you haven't seen is a low budget movie that follows a gay one night stand that manages to stretch out over an entire weekend.

Russell is drunk in a club, trying to hit on a hot guy, but when his advances are ignored he moves on to another guy. Cut to the next morning and you see Russell making coffee for the guy that had ignored him.

They chat in bed, they share, they laugh, they get pissed at each other. They have more sex as the one nighter keeps going.

It ends quite sadly, but very poignantly. I really enjoyed it, but it saddened me in the same breath.

I actually miss the art of a proper one night stand (if you could ever say there is an art to it). Hanging about in a bar when someone catches your eye and the next thing you know you're all over each other.

You get home, for a drunken fumble and potentially mind blowing (but usually disappointing) sex. The next morning you chat through the hangover and awkwardness. If its far too awkward, you find your jocks and you leave. If there is a spark however, you will exchange numbers and have more sex.

I miss the chance to even see if there is a spark. Right now I am having more sex than I have in the last six months. These are generally grindr/scruff hookups where there is never a chance to express a spark.

I want to go through the dating dance again. I want the awkward morning after. I want to feel the uncertainty of whether I'm texting far too often or too early. I want the joy of having someone text me to see if I want to do it again.

I don't want it to be smooth sailing where I find the love of my life tomorrow night at the bar. I want to be hurt, I want to be nervous and anxious, I want to be let down.

I just want a chance to feel emotion again.